Running Into The Real You

Getting to know the REAL You, is about translations of languages.

But when she is angry... run for the hills!

Over the ages,  Men and women got together, to form unions, not much has changed.... we are pretty much the same..... problems with the relationships they had back in the day, it's as old as time. Because those folks recognized that their genders were different, they were able to solve problems, they thought. One of the secrets of their perceived success was good communication, it wasn't. Ironically, they communicated well in spite of the fact that they spoke different languages. When they had problems, they would just go to a translator for assistance, the translator was that what men said was law.  Everyone knew that people from Mars and people from Venus spoke different languages, so when there was a conflict they didn't start judging or fighting but instead pulled out their phrase dictionaries to understand each other more fully. If that didn't work they went to a translator for help. Men took charge and had the final word. End of story Hmmm!

The Martian and Venusian languages have the same words, but the way they are used have different meanings. Their expressions are similar, but they have different connotations or/and emotional emphasis. Misinterpreting each other was, and still is, very easy. So when communication problems emerge, people Ass-u-me it was just one of those expected misunderstandings and that with a little assistance they would surely understand each other. Original Folks from Mars and those from Venus need to experience a trust and acceptance that we rarely experience today.

Women are like ocean waves

When she feels loved her self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. When she is feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down. This crash is temporary. After she reaches bottom suddenly her mood will shift and she will again feel good about herself. Automatically her wave begins to rise back up. 

When a woman's wave rises she feels she has an abundance of love to give, but when it falls she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love. This time of bottoming out is a time for emotional housecleaning.

If she has suppressed any negative feelings or denied herself in order to be more loving on the upswing of her wave, then on the downswing she begins to experience these negative feelings and unfulfilled needs. During this downtime, she especially needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood. My ex-wife said this experience of "going down" is like going down into a dark well. When a woman goes into her "well" she is consciously sinking into her unconscious self, into darkness and diffused feeling. She may suddenly experience a host of unexplained emotions and vague feelings. She may feel hopeless, thinking she is all alone or unsupported. But soon after she reaches the bottom, if she feels loved and supported, she will automatically start to feel better. As suddenly as she may have crashed, she will automatically rise up and again radiate love in her relationships.

A REAL Queen can sit between the two genders and feel in control

How do men react to the WAVES

When a man loves a woman she begins to shine with love and fulfillment. Most men naively expect that shine to last forever. But to expect her loving nature to be constant is like expecting to weather never to change and the sun to shine all the time. Life is filled with rhythms---- day and night, hot and cold, summer and winter, spring and fall, cloudy and clear. Likewise in a relationship, men and women have their own rhythms and cycles. Men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others. 

In relationships, men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.

Let me explain! A man assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behavior. When she is happy he takes credit, but when she is unhappy he also feels responsible. He may feel extremely frustrated because he doesn't know how to make things better. One minute she seems happy, and so he believes he is doing a good job and then the next minute she is unhappy. He is shocked because he was doing so well...  

Fellahs, Do NOT  try to "fix it."

I was married for 20+ years, I've observed this wave pattern in my ex-wife, but because I  didn't understand it, I tried to "fix it," which just made matters worse, I thought something was wrong with her tendency to go up and down. I would try explaining to her that she didn't need to be upset. She only felt more misunderstood and this more distressed. Although I thought I was "fixing it," I was actually preventing her from feeling better. When a woman moves into her well, A man needs to learn that this is when she needs him the most, and it is not a problem to be solved or fixed, but an opportunity to support her with unconditional love.

When in doubt go to your nothing box!