How we change as we mature!

When a man doesn't feel he is making a positive difference in someone else's life, it is hard for him to continue caring about his life, it is even harder for him to continue caring about his relationships. It is most difficult to be motivated when he is not needed. To become motivated again he needs to feel appreciated, trusted and accepted. Not to be needed is a slow death for a man (broken hearted) .

It's the greatest feeling to still be in love!

Your soul mate is not the person you can control and order around. Your soul mate is the man or woman you want to share your path with! ~ Lucius Gantt

For a woman Too much giving is tiring!

To deal with their depression the female becomes busy sharing their feelings and talking about their problems. As they talk they discover the cause of their depression. They are tired of giving so much all the time. They resent always feeling responsible for everything and everybody. They want to relax and just be taken care of for a long while. They are tired of sharing everything with others. They want to feel special and possess things that are their own( a love of my own).  No longer are they satisfied being martyrs for others.  Women often live by a lose/win philosophy, when they are living without a male in their mists---(they think of their girlfriends this way) " I lose so that you can win." As long as everyone made sacrifices for others, then everyone is taken care of. But after doing this for decades the female is tired of always caring about one another and sharing everything. They are now ready for a win/win philosophy. Women today are tired of giving. They want time off. Time to explore being themselves. time to care about themselves first. They want someone to provide emotional support, someone they don't have to take care of. a good man fits the bill perfectly, is preferred.

Here is the problem, however... as a good man comes along... he is has learned to give while women who have not been in good relationships are not ready to receive. After decades these women and men have reached an important stage in their evolution. Women stuck in a rut need to learn how to receive while men, stuck in a rut need to learn how to give. 

This change commonly takes place in men and women as they mature. In her younger years, a woman is much more willing to sacrifice and mold herself to fulfill her partner's needs. In a man's younger years, his is much more self-absorbed and unaware of the needs of others. As a woman matures she realizes how she may be giving up on herself in order to please her partner. As a man matures he realizes how he can better serve and respect others. As a man gets more mature he also learns that he may be giving up himself, but his major change is becoming more aware of how he can succeed in giving.  Likewise, as a woman matures she also learns new strategies for giving and receiving, but her major change, in mindset, tends to be learning to set limits in order to receive what she wants. 

To succeed you need to give up on blaming.

Hell yeah, I blame you for all that is not right with me right now!

When a woman realizes she has given too much, she tends to blame her partner for their unhappiness. She feels the injustice of giving more than she has received.  Although she has not received what she deserved, to improve her relationships she needs to recognize how she contributed to the problems. When a woman gives too much she should not blame her partner. Similarly, a man who gives less should not blame his partner for being negative or unreceptive to him. In both cases, blaming does not work. Understanding, trust, compassion, acceptance, and support are the solution, not blaming our partners.  When this maturity occurs, instead of blaming his female partner for being resentful, a man can be compassionate and offer his support even if she doesn't ask for it, listen to her even if at first it sounds like blame, the proverbial mosquito in the ear, and help her to trust and open up to him by doing little things for her to show that he still cares. 

Instead of blaming a man for giving less, a woman can accept and forgive his imperfections, especially when he disappoints her, trust that he wants to give more when he doesn't offer his support and encourage him to give more by appreciating what he does give and continuing to ask for his support.

So I have your support?