Setting and respecting limits

Most importantly, I believe, a woman needs to recognize her boundaries of what she can give without resenting her partner. Instead of expecting her partner to even the score, she needs to keep it even by regulating how much she gives.
When I thought about an old email from an ex. I saved and read it again.
I had to say 'Hmmmm!' and it prompted me to write this post.

He will not be using me anymore! I got married for better, not Worse!

Let's look at an example. A man is Thirty-nine and his wife, a few years younger (smirking), is forty-one they go to a counseling session. The wife wants a divorce. Her complaint is that she has been giving more than he has for (12) Twelve years and can't take it anymore. She blames her husband for being lethargic, selfish, controlling, and no longer romantic. She says she has nothing left to give and wants to leave the marriage. The husband convinces her to come to therapy, but she has doubts. So after a six-month period, they are able to move through the three steps for healing a relationship. Today they remain happily married with two children.
Let me list the 3 steps:

Step 1: Motivation

Start by explaining to the husband that his wife is experiencing twelve years of accumulated resentment. If he wants to save his marriage, he would have to do a lot of listening for her to be motivated to work on their marriage. wife needs to share her feelings and help her husband patiently to understand her negative feelings. This can become a hard part of the healing process. As a man, I know it is difficult to understand... it is very hard to really hear a woman's pain and unfulfilled needs, without becoming increasingly motivated and confident that he can make the changes necessary to have a loving relationship again. However before a wife could be motivated to work on their relationship, she needs to be heard and feels that her husband validates her feelings; this is the first step. After the wife understands, they may be able to proceed to the next step.

Step2: Responsibility

The second step is taking responsibility. Husbands or boyfriends,  need to take responsibility for not supporting his woman, while the woman needs to take responsibility for not setting boundaries. Men should apologize for the ways they hurt women. Women need to understand that men step over their boundaries by treating them in disrespectful ways ( such as yelling, grumbling, resting requests, and invalidating her feels, it's because men don't know because women have not set their boundaries.
Although women do not need to apologize for some responsibility for their problems.
Spoon feed her slowly, women will gradually accept that her inability to set limits and their tendency to give more than they want to,  can contribute to problems, she can become more forgiving. Taking responsibility for part of the problems is essential to releasing her resentment. In this way, both are motivated to learn new ways of supporting each other through resecting limits.

Step 3: Practice

Men particularly need to learn how to respect women boundaries, while women need to learn how to set them. Both need to learn how to express honest feelings in a respectful way. The third step needs to be practiced.setting and respecting limits, knowing that at times they would make mistakes. Being able to make mistakes give both a safety net while both practices.