Why does she dislike the things I do, if she says she loves me?

Ok, your ego may not let you ask this question, simply because you are dead scared of the answer Just remember this:

“An ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity!”

I love that he brings me to the beach, it’s so romantic.  

But I hate the feeling of sand between my toes!

It’s been many years since I asked myself the following  questions and the answers
have been different every time I have ended a relationship with a woman, or should I
say she ended the relationship with me.

I sat with a counselor once to get some clarity, on somethings that were bugging me,
 and was given a questionnaire a few of them struck a nerve and I never forgot them.

• Do you assume she liked everything about you, or do you admit to yourself that there are things you know she disliked about you, during your relationship?
• Can you list those things?

First, allow me to state these in a way that makes sense to me, as a man, who knows that

I have failed to recognize things in a timely fashion, maybe too often.
A man that recognizes the highs and lows that woman feels regularly should not put too much stock in everything she says when she is at her lowest point. It’s common knowledge that

the man will get blamed for her unhappiness during those low very low moments. What she needs during those moments are understanding,
compassion, acceptance, and support. If you fail at that moment to give her those things you are so sunk in her view.  Your man-cave will become your permanent residence.

• If you were told  that she could not stand something  about your habits 

would you have had a loving relationship in spite of her dislike for these things?

Second, let’s go through the boundaries list, if she has established boundaries then you have to respect them. However if she never really spoke to you about these boundaries then you can’t magically know what’s bugging her, from one second to the next. Knowledge allows a man to be able to react……. and act right!

• During your relationship how often did you have a true heart to heart with you mate,

about things, that seem to bother her but she never wanted to talk about them,
in a direct conversation.

Third, I know she has a switch that gets turned on and off.
This switch when flipped could have a man suddenly being labeled as lethargic, selfish,
controlling, and most importantly unromantic.

Which of the  4 are you dealing with, or is there a fifth one “stupid?”.

• So the splitting up was who’s idea? And why do you think that was not

the main reason you split up.

Fourth, it’s always the woman who splits up and end a relationship,
in my experience. She makes up her mind and deals you a hand of cards,

 to identify ways to make her change her mind. If you as a man could find ways to keep the relationship going in spite the many reasons she had percolating in her head for days, weeks, months, years, even decades then you have avoided the split up for now.

• If you both were on two separate Islands after a shipwreck, 
• Who do you think would most likely swim over to the other Island to be with the other. 

Fifth, You need to, as a  man know that moves like swimming across to her domain is based on need. If you need to be with her then you do it,
If she needs to be with you she will find ways to let you know that she needs you and then you will either swim across or stay on your rock by yourself.
It’s always “her choice.”

Are you going to stay on your rock

or come and join me on mine?

 

OK, there were more questions but these stuck in my head.
Simply because they put me in the strange headspace.

Final Thought

Hindsight is always 20/20.  Looking back and thinking; ‘OK that’s what that was.
’ It’s like standing in the street and watching a speeding car coming straight at you and not recognizing the speed of the car heading dead at you.
If you are quick enough you can jump out of the way.
If not then it does not matter!

Nature is very mean to us men. When you are young and flexible you are tested and you may survive the test. But You only learn to have
the right answers after you have experienced the stings of rejections and failures.
When you are younger you may think that the honey was worth it,
if you’ve been stung by a single bee just once. But after you have
been stung by multiple bees you may have a different opinion.
You may just think ‘Ciao Bella…..’