What is the worst thing that could happen in your relationship?

Maybe you can live with “the fake behaviors” for a period of time…...

but most people can not deal with them forever.

Their  true behaviors will show eventually

In my humble opinion, the worst thing is when your relationship

has built an ongoing history where acceptance of who you really are not …...

fake accepted and then real is not accepted, and trust therefore out the window,
in a short period of time

and you are rejected, by the person you are committed to,
because you don’t live up to other person’s expectations,

their beliefs, their values, their unrealistic expectations, etc
are shattered set of dreams

if you just need to be who they want you to be.  

you will not have mutual respect from the very beginning you are off to a very rough start

and the voyage will get worse over time,

resentment builds and builds,

frustrations build and build, and a disdain for each other may even grow into hate,

There are many ways you can overcome resentments and even frustrations...

but hate is not so easy, because it can become permanent.

Why is it that you start off believe that you love someone and then you become hateful towards them

because they are not acting the way you want them to act.

"There is a very thin line between love and hate. "

 Or is it the other way around?

 

A lady once told me she made the greatest mistake agreeing to marry her husband because he's not

the man she wants him to be as part of her future, now that they are a couple.

My reaction was:

‘Hmmm! You want him to be a man you read about in the fairytale books or

you saw in the movies or on TV.’

She said: “like the man Bill Cosby played in the TV series.”

so  I asked her: ‘Do you really believe that  Bill Cosby was that kind of man?

’  She paused and said: “well he was acting like it.

” OK,  So he was acting, and you are buying into the act and believing that your man should act that

way also?  

Then I asked her; ‘are you the kind of woman Phylicia Rashad,

as her charter “Clair” was?

The operative word here is “Acting!”

When you do act in a way that makes people believe that it’s the real you, but it's "fake you"

then who is really being fooled, you or them?

Denzel Washington received an Oscar Award

for his roll in “Training day” his role was as “a corrupt cop.” A black cop corrupt?

Um- huh this role  Got him his first Oscar Award,

but not his role as a good father in “John Q”,

where his son needed a new heart and he decided to put the hospital under siege to get his son the right heart so that he could live.
He was willing to die to save his son’s life,

and in the end, he went to jail but he succeeded in getting his son the heart transplant.

Now that was the acting that deserved the Oscar Award…. in my view.

But good acting does not get the same notoriety like act as “a black bad person.”

Just so I’m very clear very few good husbands are awarded and given recognition for how good

and attentive they are as husbands. However, the bad husbands are the talk of

the town from east to west, North to South.

Maybe that’s because wives do not want other women

to know they have a good man,

so they keep that information to themselves because good men are

hard to find and other women might try every trick in their pantry to 

get him away from the wife for themselves --well so I ’ve heard.

But bad men are easy to find because women talk about how

badly they behave to everyone who will listen.

Bad news travels fast and wide.   

The USA even elected Donald Trump despite,

of all the bad things that came out about him before and after the elections.

He is still doing things that make almost everyone Shake their heads with disapproval.

Or are many nodding with approval? Well,

time will tell how long this bad actor continues his act, as president.

We often have greater problems with our offsprings who do not conform to our beliefs,

so we try to fix them and break them to a point of no return.   

They stop thinking “Home is where my heart is….

Because their parents do not respect them and they broke their hearts,

so they will stay away from now on.

 President Obama said it best:

“the reason the problems aren't solved is that of 'hate, anger, racism, mommy issues!”

Well in many cases daddy issues are also very difficult

to overcome for many,

therefore solving problems become even more dramatic between

spouses.

where the male had “mommy issues” and the female

“had daddy issues”

and ever vice versa. There is “No fix”even possible in these extreme cases,

in my humble opinion.

We want perfect relationships because these images of others looking

and acting happy are so different from our realities.  

We have started off broken so we can’t suddenly fix what is broken.

If your foundation is not solid then you are not able to have a solid structure.

 

Final thought

Ask yourself the question was my mate happy when we met,

if “yes,” then you are off to a good start.

If “no” then you have a tough uphill road to climb.

‘You can’t make someone else happy!’

You can only share happiness if both individuals

are happy with themselves.