Who ever controls the birth control. has the final word?

I'm going to get a little personal in this one. As I take a trip down memory lane I find my self remembering a defining moment in my married life. The now   ex-wife and I  discussed stopping at baby No. 2. I  was fine with that!. She wanted  her  tubes tied and not get on birth control anymore. I told her I didn't want her to do anything she was going to regret, by  going to the extreme and suggested instead that I could wear a condom. She said her  body was already used to the  trauma since she had just  given birth, ( this was a discussion  in the delivery  room after my second son was born) so why not add the Tubal ligation to the operation? I had to agree, because she made sense. and it didn't cost me anything. So I was lucky in that sense.

Consider this your heads-up that you may  not  like my answers to " who should control the birth control ". A husband’s point of view here is my only view point. when there’s an issue that needs addressing, and he’s decided that you alone are the one who needs to address it. He’s not willing to take the most simple solution——because he doesn't want to lose any pleasure. He is, however, comfortable placing the onus of solving the birth control   issue on you, since you’re “used to trauma” even though it requires significantly more sacrifice from you than it would from him.

Your husband is way too comfortable shucking the responsibility onto you the woman  frustration is understandable. Women would want men to consider having a vasectomy.  But here is what women do not know. Men have 3 main reasons why they should not have a vasectomy. Heart Disease Risk, Prostate Cancer Risk, Dementia Risk

. That said, It is very important that women understand what men are really objecting to,  men often  make it 100 percent clear that we don't consider family planning our  problem. So unless you’re going to stop having sex after kid No. 2—it actually solves the current problem and addresses all concerns but raises an even bigger one—you’re going to have to pick up the ball he’s decided to drop in your lap.

The bottom line is that when it comes to childbearing and rearing, the primary sacrifice—body, time, energy—comes from you (ladies). If you want to ensure that you don’t have a house full of kids with someone who,  you may  think doesn't  pulls his weight, you need to make sure it doesn't happen , force the  a condom wear if you have, too. But most importantly, you bite the bullet and go to your OB -GYN and have a conversation about your best options.

Now that we've addressed that, can we get to the real issue? You (ladies) feel that you’re getting the short end of the stick in your marriage and you’re sick of it. You’re arguing about what’s “fair” and what you've “given up” and “his” kids, not “our kids.” Family planning is just the battleground on which you've chosen to fight an ongoing war. If it wasn't this, it would be something else, and it will become everything else until you feel that your husband is making sacrifices almost equal to yours.

Instead of arguing around this issue, it will be much more simple and much less painful if you can just address it. Try, “I am frustrated because I feel------ ” and “What I need to not be frustrated is ----” and “You can help me by doing this or that  ... ” Ask for what you want, whether it’s him watching the kid(s) so you can work out to get your body back, or him being more supportive of your going back to school or staying at the office longer to make up for lost time. Whatever it is, speak up so you can get your needs met. and stop resenting your man for whatever thinking  ----  it's not his fault.
Go down your to-do-list and check off what you each can do to make life more manageable for both of you, the Roles couples now have in a busy world to throw out the old play book and define the roles as you both need to have your needs met and sacrifices is part of the equation. compromise is part of the equation. Don't copy anyone else's life define your own. and partner up on the efforts.