How we change as we mature!

When a man doesn't feel he is making a positive difference in someone else's life, it is hard for him to continue caring about his life, it is even harder for him to continue caring about his relationships. It is most difficult to be motivated when he is not needed. To become motivated again he needs to feel appreciated, trusted and accepted. Not to be needed is a slow death for a man (broken hearted) .

It's the greatest feeling to still be in love!

Your soul mate is not the person you can control and order around. Your soul mate is the man or woman you want to share your path with! ~ Lucius Gantt

For a woman Too much giving is tiring!

To deal with their depression the female becomes busy sharing their feelings and talking about their problems. As they talk they discover the cause of their depression. They are tired of giving so much all the time. They resent always feeling responsible for everything and everybody. They want to relax and just be taken care of for a long while. They are tired of sharing everything with others. They want to feel special and possess things that are their own( a love of my own).  No longer are they satisfied being martyrs for others.  Women often live by a lose/win philosophy, when they are living without a male in their mists---(they think of their girlfriends this way) " I lose so that you can win." As long as everyone made sacrifices for others, then everyone is taken care of. But after doing this for decades the female is tired of always caring about one another and sharing everything. They are now ready for a win/win philosophy. Women today are tired of giving. They want time off. Time to explore being themselves. time to care about themselves first. They want someone to provide emotional support, someone they don't have to take care of. a good man fits the bill perfectly, is preferred.

Here is the problem, however... as a good man comes along... he is has learned to give while women who have not been in good relationships are not ready to receive. After decades these women and men have reached an important stage in their evolution. Women stuck in a rut need to learn how to receive while men, stuck in a rut need to learn how to give. 

This change commonly takes place in men and women as they mature. In her younger years, a woman is much more willing to sacrifice and mold herself to fulfill her partner's needs. In a man's younger years, his is much more self-absorbed and unaware of the needs of others. As a woman matures she realizes how she may be giving up on herself in order to please her partner. As a man matures he realizes how he can better serve and respect others. As a man gets more mature he also learns that he may be giving up himself, but his major change is becoming more aware of how he can succeed in giving.  Likewise, as a woman matures she also learns new strategies for giving and receiving, but her major change, in mindset, tends to be learning to set limits in order to receive what she wants. 

To succeed you need to give up on blaming.

Hell yeah, I blame you for all that is not right with me right now!

When a woman realizes she has given too much, she tends to blame her partner for their unhappiness. She feels the injustice of giving more than she has received.  Although she has not received what she deserved, to improve her relationships she needs to recognize how she contributed to the problems. When a woman gives too much she should not blame her partner. Similarly, a man who gives less should not blame his partner for being negative or unreceptive to him. In both cases, blaming does not work. Understanding, trust, compassion, acceptance, and support are the solution, not blaming our partners.  When this maturity occurs, instead of blaming his female partner for being resentful, a man can be compassionate and offer his support even if she doesn't ask for it, listen to her even if at first it sounds like blame, the proverbial mosquito in the ear, and help her to trust and open up to him by doing little things for her to show that he still cares. 

Instead of blaming a man for giving less, a woman can accept and forgive his imperfections, especially when he disappoints her, trust that he wants to give more when he doesn't offer his support and encourage him to give more by appreciating what he does give and continuing to ask for his support.

So I have your support?

Setting and respecting limits

Most importantly, I believe, a woman needs to recognize her boundaries of what she can give without resenting her partner. Instead of expecting her partner to even the score, she needs to keep it even by regulating how much she gives.
When I thought about an old email from an ex. I saved and read it again.
I had to say 'Hmmmm!' and it prompted me to write this post.

He will not be using me anymore! I got married for better, not Worse!

Let's look at an example. A man is Thirty-nine and his wife, a few years younger (smirking), is forty-one they go to a counseling session. The wife wants a divorce. Her complaint is that she has been giving more than he has for (12) Twelve years and can't take it anymore. She blames her husband for being lethargic, selfish, controlling, and no longer romantic. She says she has nothing left to give and wants to leave the marriage. The husband convinces her to come to therapy, but she has doubts. So after a six-month period, they are able to move through the three steps for healing a relationship. Today they remain happily married with two children.
Let me list the 3 steps:

Step 1: Motivation

Start by explaining to the husband that his wife is experiencing twelve years of accumulated resentment. If he wants to save his marriage, he would have to do a lot of listening for her to be motivated to work on their marriage. wife needs to share her feelings and help her husband patiently to understand her negative feelings. This can become a hard part of the healing process. As a man, I know it is difficult to understand... it is very hard to really hear a woman's pain and unfulfilled needs, without becoming increasingly motivated and confident that he can make the changes necessary to have a loving relationship again. However before a wife could be motivated to work on their relationship, she needs to be heard and feels that her husband validates her feelings; this is the first step. After the wife understands, they may be able to proceed to the next step.

Step2: Responsibility

The second step is taking responsibility. Husbands or boyfriends,  need to take responsibility for not supporting his woman, while the woman needs to take responsibility for not setting boundaries. Men should apologize for the ways they hurt women. Women need to understand that men step over their boundaries by treating them in disrespectful ways ( such as yelling, grumbling, resting requests, and invalidating her feels, it's because men don't know because women have not set their boundaries.
Although women do not need to apologize for some responsibility for their problems.
Spoon feed her slowly, women will gradually accept that her inability to set limits and their tendency to give more than they want to,  can contribute to problems, she can become more forgiving. Taking responsibility for part of the problems is essential to releasing her resentment. In this way, both are motivated to learn new ways of supporting each other through resecting limits.

Step 3: Practice

Men particularly need to learn how to respect women boundaries, while women need to learn how to set them. Both need to learn how to express honest feelings in a respectful way. The third step needs to be practiced.setting and respecting limits, knowing that at times they would make mistakes. Being able to make mistakes give both a safety net while both practices. 

Rumor has it, that you are confused.

Quick heads-up that this isn’t a subject that I’ve talked about before, but it is one that I’ve been getting a lot of questions about. 

So what motivates my man, to say he loves me?

Has a guy ever given you mixed signals?

One minute he’s crazy about you and the next minute you have no clue if he ever wants to see you again?

And it’s especially hard when you think, there’s something special between you and you have no idea what went wrong.

I assure you it’s nothing that you did.

In fact, he may even care about you a great deal and still not be able to stop himself from acting this way.

But why does this happen?

There’s one BIG reason why men do this...

And I discovered what, women need to know to understand this bizarre behavior.

It all comes down to a missing “secret ingredient” that not one in a thousand women knows ...

And it’s the biggest factor that determines whether a man just “likes” you...

...or if he sees you as “The One!”

You see, this “secret ingredient” is so important to a man that no matter how attracted to you he is, or how strong your chemistry is...

If it’s missing, he’ll never be able to truly give his heart to you...

And he will always have an unshakeable urge to seek out a woman who has this one “secret ingredient.”

On the other hand, when you know......you won’t believe how effortless, passionate and bulletproof your relationship can be.

This post may help a few people.

Men are motivated and empowered when They feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.

When a man does not feel needed in a relationship, he gradually becomes passive and less energized; with each passing day, he has less to give the relationship. On the other hand, when he feels trusted to do his best to fulfill a woman's needs and appreciated for his efforts, he is empowered and has more to give. 

Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished. When a woman does not feel cherished in a relationship she gradually becomes compulsively responsible and exhausted from giving too much. On the other hand, when she feels cared for and respected, she is fulfilled and has more to give. 

When a man loves a woman he feels as if he has been struck by lightning, in one glorious moment his life is permanently changed. He has glimpsed through his telescope a vision he describes as awesome beautiful and grace. His body is lit on fire. As he watches her for the first time in his life he begins to care about someone other than himself. From just one glimpse his life has new meaning. his depression lifted.   

Men have a win/lose philosophy-- we want to win, and we don't care if you lose. As long as each man took care of himself his formula worked fine. It worked for centuries, but now it needs to change. Giving primarily to ourselves is no longer as satisfying. Being in love, men want the woman, we love,  to win as much as ourselves
quick spots analogy: In most sports today we can see an extension of this male competitive code. for example, in tennis, I not only want to win but also to try to make my friend lose by making it difficult for him to return my shots. I enjoy winning even though my friend loses. Most of these male attitudes have a place in life, but this win/lose attitude becomes harmful in our adult relationships. If I seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my lady, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both to win.

We Men find relief in our Mental man-cave, but women communicate their needs.

When I buy a lottery ticket I believe I’m going to win! When I get involved in a relationship I believe it’s going to be successful. When I greet a stranger with a smile I believe they will respond positively. And when I post something on Social Media  I believe it will make someone’s day brighter. I am, and will always be, an optimist. I always believe something amazing is going to happen! Don’t you?

Having said that; I know that I can be a Cave-man from time to time and some women in my past didn't always understand my need to isolate myself from time to time. Simply because of the whole "retreat for a better position", this is a foreign idea to a few women. Men retreat in their caves, but women want to talk about what's bothering them.  Just the other day I went to have lunch at a restaurant after a business meeting... I sat alone thinking about my next moves, developing a strategy going forward. A very lovely waitress took my order and kept glancing across at me as she moved around from table to table. It got me thinking;  was she checking me out and flirting with me indirectly? Maybe, maybe not, because she said very little to me when she was close to me but would make some eye contact. then she would look away. So I thought nothing of it.  As I was preoccupied with my business thoughts. She was studying me from a distance.... (I learned later that she was planning to contact me using Social Media at a later point. Note to self: Times have changed, so much so..... that what happened after I left the restaurant blew me away. When I finished eating my meal, I asked for the check and she brought it. She gave it and I used my credit card to pay... she asked for an ID... I thought nothing of it. She walked to the registered and processed my payment. brought the receipt. I put my card and Driver's license away when she gave then back I left her a cash tip. and left.

Then when I got back home I signed on my PC to do some work.

Home alone I logged in to my FB page and saw a friends request. I clicked on the request and looked at the pic. and though the face looked familiar,  the name was not someone I recognized, But since the face looked a bit familiar I granted the request. Later on, an inbox series of message came with multiple pics. My mind thought; 'Wait! am I being catfished?'  But then her note said something that caught my attention. Her words, " you looked great in your suit, today I liked the suit and tie combo, you wore a suit like President Obama, into my restaurant today".

Wow... I did not see this coming!    I then figured out that the waitress had taken note of my personal info on my Drivers license... and must have searched FB. and found me. Her pics look different because she was not wearing a uniform in any of them. Being a suspicious-minded guy, I started browsing her FB profile.  She suggested to me that I could come back to meet her after work. SMDH... not going to happen just because you look good and sexy. I then responded; 'I will come and have lunch again and we can talk in person.'  By browsing through her FB Profile I thought to myself that her pics told a story that  made me think... that this is someone who is looking for a new relationship and is open about her availability. And concluded that there could be somethings that are not being revealed.

So how I look is not enough to make
you want to jump at a chance to meet me?

     

Does my provocative nature make you Pause?

I made sure my apt was clear before I took this picture.

Today is my day off from work,
so I'm heading out to do some shopping, 

Final thoughts

I've lived in major cities and always slow at jumping to conclusions about people's motives and what they want from me. Maybe I will be less cautious, without putting too much into showing my interest. As I let the other person make the next move, I will get more clarity about their intentions and interests. She knows what I look like, as I also know what she looks like. We have seen each other in person. So I know I'm not being "catfished!"  But I'm still not delusional to think that she picked to contact me just because I look reasonably good in a suit. It's just a B.A.D. image the real me is not what you always see, or who you want me to be!

So you've just moved in together.

I'm so happy we are together!

There are wonderful things about being together, but tough times will come to your doorsteps for a visit now and then, which will require mental strength. Are you both mentally strong or at the very least one of you? MENTALLY STRONG PEOPLE CAN RELATE TO THIS QUOTE…“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” – Thomas Jefferson



The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don't listen. Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks to him, or he listens for a few beats, assesses what is bothering, her, and the proudly puts on his Mr.Fix-it cap and offers her a solution to make her feel better. He is confused when she doesn't appreciate this gesture of love. no matter how many times she tells him that he's not listening, he doesn't get it and keeps doing the same thing. She wants empathy, but he thinks she wants solutions. The most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them. When a woman loves a man she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help him improve the way he does things. She forms a home-improvement committee, and he becomes her primary focus. No matter how much he resists her help, she persists--waiting for an opportunity to help him and tell him what to do. She thinks she's nurturing him, while he feels he's being controlled. Instead, he wants her acceptance. These two problems can finally be solved by first understanding why men offer solutions and women seek to improve.

Women float better than men if she is not afraid!

One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress. Men become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved. At these times, a man small needs for feeling good are different from a woman's. He feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about problems. Not understanding and accepting these differences create Unnecessary friction in relationships.
A man comes home, he wants to relax and unwind by quietly reading or watching the news. He is stressed by the unsolved problems of his day and finds relief trough forgetting them.... for a minute or two. Women also want to relax from her stressful day. She, however, wants to find relief by talking about the problems of her day. The tension slowly builds between them gradually becomes resentment. Mean secretly think women talk too much, while women feel ignored. Without understanding their differences they will grow further and further apart.

Final thought
If I understood all of this I would have been smarter in my relationships. Seriously we men don't understand women simply because we don't take the time to do it.

So you are heartbroken,you need to find ways to recover.

 Here Are Some Ways to Get Back on Track After Being  "Heartbroken." more than once.

Watch me rebound from. these tough times!

We are constantly changing and we never stop. Change is necessary if we want to grow and become better people, and if you try to suppress it, you will wake up one day and you will wonder what you did with your life. No matter how difficult your current situations are, you should always remember that it will end someday, and you should remind yourself that it will get better. There are actually great ways to get back on track such as the following 26 tips

Get fit. A healthy body is necessary for a healthy mind. You don't have extra weight...it's just too much to carry unnecessary pounds around, in the summer heat.

Well who do you want, we are both fine and drama free.

 Travel. You don’t have to go on luxurious trips, a simple weekend getaway will do the trick.
OK being able to away and unwind and relax does great things for the mind and body.

Think about the present the most, then the future and the least about the past. We fall in order to learn how to rise up again. Never let your past mistakes prevent you from moving on.
The rearview mirror is more monitoring what is coming up behind you. not for looking at what you have already passed on your journey.

Meet new people. Meeting new people will open up new horizons. Sometimes, people can change your perspective and show you a different view on life. 
Old friends stuck in a rut does not make for fun encounters now who wants to hear about past mistakes and past misfortunes over and over again. 

 Be open and honest. Life is too short to follow all the rules. Be more spontaneous. 
Tell the truth so that you don't have to remember the lies...... you will have to repeat multiple times the same way in the future.

Be more considerate about your long-term health Burning yourself out to meet a deadline is never worth it. The only person who appreciates your burnout is the person who is "competing" with you. They are hoping to overtake you and outshine you. 

Be yourself in appearance. Societal standards should not dictate who you are. If you want an unusual haircut or, go get it. You are allowed to do anything you want with your body. "Fake" is not you! Fake will never be you... not even in your afterlife. 

Walk away from negativity. Try to get rid of the negativity in your life as much as you can. Whether it is a horrible instrumental, a two-faced friend or a movie-trigger, it is never worth it. Positive energy is what you give..... after it is used....the negative return is what you measure as the results, for your efforts. 

 Allow yourself to release. Think about the things that make you happy and focus on doing them more often. Release you positive energies on the things you enjoy doing.... don't waste your best on the rest.

Reach out to new people who have had the similar experiences. During the healing process, it is very helpful to learn from people who have already been through a similar situation. Get feedback on your questions you are most confused about. 


Take a week off. Spend 7 days just for yourself doing anything you want. Sleep if you feel tired, have breakfast in bed, watch that movie marathon you always wanted see.
Clear off the to-do -list and just "do you!"

Throw some things out. A clean home means a clean mind, so if you want to remove bad memories start by removing unnecessary things around your home. Some actions do not require a filter!

Never mind what I just said!
I'm just ridding of my extra mental closet of things  I don't need.

 Strengthen your good relationships. Make a list of priority and spend more time with people you appreciate, and who appreciate you. Some friends are worth keeping!

Eat really healthy for a month. A good and balanced diet is essential for your overall well being. Eat more vegetables and fruits regularly and you will notice the difference very soon.
 Make consistent healthy choices. 

Enroll in a course or workshop. Learning is the best way to distract your mind. You can learn anything such as writing, dancing, designing or even following online tutorials. Knowledge is always power!

 Make and keep a budget. You will feel more control over your life as well as more secure. Don't ignore the things you spend money on... with a budget you will record what you are spending.  

Seek validation. Ask your loved ones how you are coping because their point of view will help you look at your life from a more objective perspective. Validation is only important when you are dealing with people you value.

Base success on change, not temp outcome. Take baby steps in whatever you do. The journey should also be enjoyable, not just the destination. Don't be in a hurry!

 Learn a second or third, fourth etc, language.  There are loads of apps online that can be very useful for this. Speak to people who speak no evil in a new language to you.

 Start a new, positive habit. Make small changes in your everyday routine and you will quickly see how big of a difference these changes can make. Positive.... breathe... positive!

Be happier than you think or feel you should be. Remind yourself you deserve the best, and try to work hard to get it........
The best is based on your interpretation... Your best judgment comes into play here.

Make and keep boundaries. Having lots of friends is okay, but don’t give all of yourself away. Setting boundaries are essential for your well being. Limit access to your valued times.

Eliminate a bad habit for at least three months. We all have at least one bad habit whether it is smoking, cursing, drinking alcohol etc., Try to eliminate just one trait at first for three months and you will notice changes for the better. Well here we go bad is a habit of various shapes, shades, and everything in between! Cross a few off of your daily list.

Do something that scares you. If you want to overcome a fear, you should confront it. So make sure you do at least one thing you are terrified of. OK Wait! What? Dangerous and scary is like getting shocked when your heart stops beating. Jump start it every now and then but consider the risks.

 Be proud of yourself and your achievements. Accept yourself with all of your flaws and always be proud of what you have accomplished. Figure out what your greatest moments have been and applaud yourself for them. 

Be forgiving. Not just for others, but for yourself. Being angry only affects you, so let go of that burden and you will feel much happier. Guess what others are not even thinking about your moments that got you mad. You should learn to let things go!

Try all of the above...to get passed the following:

"How do you mend a broken heart"

Keep your identity in a new relationship.

According to popular dating advice, when you start a new relationship, it’s always very tempting to want to spend all your time with the newest important person in your life. Whether it’s from a sense of obligation or excitement, many people find themselves at a point where their identity gets completely obliterated by their partners. As a result, they only exist as a “second half.” It’s difficult to notice this process happening, however. It’s so easy to become isolated and start ignoring other parts of your life for the sake of your relationship. You will, sometimes, forget to stay true to yourself.

I'm so into you, I feel like I'm losing myself!

There are many reasons why this is something you want to avoid. If you are not true to yourself, you might find yourself distancing from friends, family, co-workers, or your work. From everything that makes you who you are. Taking relationship advice is never easy, but you need to consider what makes you uniquely you and hold on to it as much as you can. Otherwise, you risk losing your sense of self and putting too much pressure on the other person too quickly. Take a look at some telltale signs that you’re losing yourself in a relationship – and what you can do about it.

“Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.” – Walter Winchell 

YOU LIVE THROUGH YOUR PARTNER’S PROBLEMS LIKE THEY’RE YOUR OWN. Being empathetic is never a bad quality. On the contrary, it’s one of the best ones you can have to help you grow a steady relationship. But sometimes, empathy can go too far too quickly because you have forgotten to stay true to yourself. You might find yourself feeling obligated to suffer when they do or to take on any problem like it’s your own. Don’t blur that line. Your partner will need to learn how to personally cope with problems. It’s not your job or burden to take that on your shoulders. All you’ll be doing is bringing more stress to your partner’s existing stress. Empathize with them, but don’t make their problems your own. This is probably the best, and most truthful relationship advice out there.

YOU CONSTANTLY ASK YOURSELF “WHAT IF”? That kind of apocalyptic thinking is a telltale sign that you’re way too invested in your relationship. You’ll find that you’re constantly asking yourself what would happen if you don’t do what your partner wants you to do. You’re scared that one wrong step might end the relationship. That kind of constant anxiety is a trap of exhaustion and fear that you don’t want to fall into. Any dating advice will tell you to try to remind yourself why this person is with you and why they’ve told you they care about you. Remember that having a life of your own isn’t a betrayal to your relationship.

YOU LOSE YOUR WORKING OUT TIME. Time at the gym or spent jogging is normally one of the few times where you can really be alone with your thoughts. If you find yourself slowing down on your exercise routine, that means you’re not making enough time for yourself. It’s very easy to find excuses not to go to the gym, and it’s even easier to pin those excuses on your partner. This is not a healthy habit, as you’ll end up resenting them for something that’s ultimately not up to them but up to you. Maintain your healthy living habits, even if it’s hard. You’ll be thankful for that time to unwind and chill.

YOU REFUSE LIFE-CHANGING OPPORTUNITIES FOR THEM. In relationships, you often find yourself finding the right balance between priorities and compromise. If you find yourself disproportionately turning down more opportunities than your partner is, then something has gone wrong. Perhaps it’s a summer trip with friends or a job opportunity. It may be a great opportunity to move abroad. Turning down any of these can lead to losing your personality and who you really are. It may indicate that you are immersing yourself in your relationship so much that you only identify as the other part of a couple. Talk openly with your partner about your dreams and ambitions to find a solution. Make sure you’re on the same page together.

YOU SAY “WE” INSTEAD OF “ME.” This might seem like a small sign, but it’s definitely not one to ignore. People who speak in the first-person plural about their plans and dreams, or even their interests, are already deeply invested in a relationship and might need to take a step back. Not only are you losing your own identity that way, but you’re also speaking on behalf of your partner, which they might not necessarily appreciate. Try saying “I” and “me” and “mine” more often. Reaffirm your own identity – because you matter and your individuality matters, also.

YOU FEEL OVERWORKED, GUILT-RIDDEN, OR ANXIOUS. There might be many reasons why you feel like this, but an over-investment in a relationship is one reason that’s not often talked about. Losing your identity is scary. While not immediately obvious, you will subconsciously know it’s happening and it will stress you out. When you find yourself snapping at your partner, your family, or your friends for no reason, maybe it’s time to reevaluate where you stand in your relationship. Consider how you can take a healthier approach to your relationship without feeling overwhelmed or guilty.

YOU CHANGE YOUR OPINIONS OUT OF FEAR OF CONFRONTATION. There’s nothing wrong in agreeing with your partner but doing it all the time because you’re scared to share your own opinions is very unhealthy. If you convince yourself that your social and moral views don’t matter, then you’re really losing a part of your identity. Don’t give up on your thoughts and feelings just because they might be different from your partner’s. If your partner really loves you, they will accept all of you – even the parts they don’t necessarily agree with. If they don’t, then you’re better off somewhere else.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Keep an eye out for those signs that can show you’re getting too invested in your relationship. Stay positive and remember that even if you see this, nothing is irreversible. If you can, try to talk to someone outside of your relationship, who can give you a balanced view of the situation. Enforce positive thinking. Ultimately, always make the best choice for yourself because losing yourself in a relationship might hurt you for as long as you’re committed to that relationship. Stay true to yourself because only you know what’s best for you.

Here Are Some Important Questions To Ask Before Ending A Relationship

We’ve all been there at some point or another – wondering if we should call it quits on a relationship, or just stick it out in hopes that things will improve eventually.

Ultimately, it comes down to asking yourself a few key questions first before you make a firm decision; a little introspection and talking through the situation with yourself can go a long way in helping you make the right choice for your life.

What would I really be missing
if we end it at this point?

DOES THIS RELATIONSHIP BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME?

Do you feel like the best version of yourself or a less-than-stellar version of yourself? The right person should encourage you, support you, and feel a shared happiness when you reach a new goal or simply evolve more on your life path.

If the person drags you down, brings out negative emotions in you, or just doesn’t fulfill your needs and desires, you really need to stop and ask yourself where things are headed between the two of you, and if you would be better off flying solo for a while.

DO I FEEL HAPPY OR UPSET THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME?

Of course, no relationship comes without some trials and tribulations, and oftentimes the struggles that people face together make their relationship stronger. However, the dark clouds shouldn’t totally mask the sun – meaning that you should still feel overall happiness in the relationship, even when life throws you a curve ball. In My humble opinion; you should never stay in a relationship just because you feel you “should” out of a sense of obligation – if you don’t feel happy, you have every right and responsibility, actually, to disclose your feelings to your partner.

No relationship is terrific at every moment; one reason commitment is so valuable is that it carries us through the less-than-terrific times. It’s when the less-than-terrific times become the norm, and you don’t anticipate any terrific ones in the near future, that you naturally (and justifiably) start to think of alternatives. Commitment can carry the weight of keeping a relationship together once in a while, but it can’t do the job on an ongoing basis—there has to be something of value to a relationship itself to support the partners’ commitment to it.

AM I HAVING TO SACRIFICE MORE THAN I SHOULD FOR THE RELATIONSHIP?

A relationship should never feel like a burden in your life; if it does, you need to question what they’re bringing to the table, and how much you have to sacrifice in order to make the relationship work. You can only give so much in a relationship before you feel taken advantage of and neglected, so you really need to ask yourself if you feel satisfied in the relationship or not.

If the other person doesn’t pull their own weight and make you feel special and wanted, you should probably go your separate ways.

DO YOU SHARE THE SAME PASSIONS AND GOALS FOR YOUR FUTURE?

In any committed relationship, talk of the future will inevitably come up at some point. In most cases, two people going in completely opposite directions won’t have much of a chance at keeping the flame alive way down the road, so you need to ask yourself this question early on.

Two people can absolutely have different goals in life, but if you feel that your visions for the future just don’t mesh well together, you might need to wait it out for someone who shares more of your own passions.

ARE YOU FIGHTING MORE THAN YOU’RE LAUGHING?

Relationships shouldn’t feel like a chore or a dreadful part of your life; they should inspire you, uplift you, and just make you feel alive in general. Disagreements will occur in any relationship, but if you spend the majority of your time arguing rather than enjoying life in one another’s presence, this should be a red flag for you.

Keep the company of those who ignite the light within your soul, not those who put a damper on your spirit.

DO YOU MAKE TIME FOR ONE ANOTHER?

All of us have many obligations in the crazy modern world, and life can get pretty hectic from time to time. However, no responsibility should take precedence over the love you have for one another. People either make time, or excuses, so if it seems that your partner often makes the latter, do you really want to continue the relationship feeling like you’re constantly put on the back burner?

DO YOU REALLY LOVE HIM/HER, OR JUST THE PERSON YOU WANT THEM TO BE?

Oftentimes, we convince ourselves that people will change as long as we give them time and support, but honestly, people will only change if they truly want to. Plus, if you can’t love the person as they are right now, will you really love them at some point in the future once other conditions have been met?

If you can’t say with certainty that you really love them, you owe it to your partner to tell them the truth – it might hurt, but the pain of staying in a false relationship is far greater – for both of you.

WOULD YOU REGRET IT LATER IF YOU DIDN’T END THE RELATIONSHIP TODAY?

Five years from now, would you look back and wish you had moved on from the relationship? Living with regrets will always leave a deeper wound than getting out of an unfulfilling relationship, even if that means you have to be single for a while. Stay true to your heart, and never stay in a relationship just because it feels comfortable, or because you feel like you’d be letting the other person down.

DO THEY ADD VALUE TO YOUR LIFE?

Do they truly enhance your life, adding color and vibrancy, or make you feel drained and uninspired? If you start seeing everything in black and white once you’re with them, is the relationship really worth sacrificing your happiness for?

WOULD YOUR LIFE BE BETTER WITHOUT THEM IN THE PICTURE?

This is really the million dollar question – what would your life look like without them around? If you imagine yourself as a happier, freer, more peaceful person, you need to sit down with your partner and come clean about your feelings. Breakups can cause a temporary upheaval and emotional tidal wave in your life, but you will feel much better following your heart and cleansing your life of all negativity.

Watch Me Disappear!

The misconception that some folks have is that things last forever. Everything has an expiration date. You can continue to fool yourselves if you choose. But there are does of us who know better! Nothing last forever. If you are stuck in a rut.... it has an expiration date, if you are experiencing euphoria in your current love relationship it also has an expiration date. 

So Why are relationships so hard today? Why do we fail at love every time, despite trying so hard? Why have humans suddenly become so inept at making relationships last? Have we forgotten how to love? Or worse, forgotten what love is?

Why are modern day relationships falling apart so easily?

We're not prepared. We're not prepared for the sacrifices, for the compromises, for the unconditional love. We're not ready to invest all that it takes to make a relationship work. We want everything easy. We're quitters. All it takes is a single hurdle to make us crumble to our feet. We don't let our love grow, we let go before time.

I'm feeling some apprehension
 on your part here!

It's not real love we're looking for, only excitement and thrills in life. We want someone to watch movies and party with, not someone who understands us even in our deepest silences. We spend time together, we don't make memories. We don't want the boring life. We don't want a partner for life, just someone who can make us feel alive right now, this very instant. When the excitement fades, we discover nobody ever prepared us for the mundane. We don't believe in the beauty of predictability because we're too blinded by the thrill of adventure.

What do you mean?  I just wanted to use you? 
That's not true I love you!

We immerse ourselves in the in-consequential stuff of the city life, leaving no space for love. We don't have time to love, we don't have the patience to deal with relationships. We're busy people chasing materialistic dreams and there's no scope to love. Relationships are nothing more than convenience.

Final thoughts

As I was listing to the song below by Aretha Franklin and Michael McDonald. I got to thinking about all the missed opportunities that happen because of things we were all too focused on which were the wrong things. Relationships can have temporary expiration dates, so just like...... how you are now treating them with false expectations... create real experiences that can last!