Is it possible to rekindle your sex-life in your 30-year old relationship

OK! It may take some effort. But I can still attract you!

For many years mature women would not let their hair turn grey. It is nolonger the case... it is even now a days seen as sexy!

She will have limitations she is not your super woman

Fellahs...✍🏾 If you choose a working woman, you have to accept that she can't take care of the house full time. 

If you choose a housewife who can take care of you and handle the apartment/house fully, you have to accept that she doesn't make money.

If you choose a humble woman, you must accept that it is up to you.

When you're with a brave woman, you have to accept that she's independent according to her own views.

Those who choose a beautiful woman must accept that jealousy must be controlled.

If you're with a strong woman, it's worth accepting that she's gentle and fragile at a glance, but solid as steel.

If you choose an emotional, insecure woman, you must step up to make her feel safe and loved.

No woman is perfect and doesn't have to be. Every woman has her own personality and values that determine who she is and that make her special.

FINAL THOUGHTS 

IN today's social media world we must make adjustments that some of our parents did not had to make.

My mom didnt work right up until the time I was a toddler. She was home with Me taking care of her only child

Then when I started my own family  had my wife do the same, with both of my sons. Now my  

First born grandson has the same. It has to be an understanding between spouses.

togetherness looks different when you are a mature couple

We thought that being together for this many years would be almost impossible!

There were times that we almost called it quites.

When a man admires (loves) a woman, for years he tries to do the things that could make her smile. That is because her smile is magical, in his minds eye she will always be beautiful no matter how many years  they are together.

When a woman has moments that she is not sure if she loves her man. She ignores his simple actions that she did not like, for example: he remembers her birthday and let's her know that her special days, are  days that he took notes, not to remind her that she is getting older, but to celebrate their years together.  He tries  not to upset her days, however if he did at some point in time he tries to makeup for it multiple times.

Young couples do not seem to have the patience to do the important little things to keep a relationship afloat.

Here are

Some UNSPOKEN RULES FOR MEN:

1. Always keep your word - if you make a promise, keep it.

2. Respect women - treat them with dignity and respect.

3. Take care of your appearance - dress appropriately and maintain good hygiene.

4. Be honest - don't lie or deceive you woman.

5. Show respect for elders - listen to their advice and guidance.

6. Be loyal - stand by your  family.

7. Be responsible - take ownership of your actions and their consequences.

8. Be self-sufficient - learn to take care of yourself  We sometimes make our decision to forgive based on the amount of hurt we experienced. A small offense is easier to forgive. But when something pierces our hearts, that’s another story. And yet, God tells us we are to forgive as he forgave us. That means we must forgive like he did. Did we deserve forgiveness? No, we didn’t. And yet, Jesus forgave us. We’re supposed to forgive.

9. Learn to forgive - holding grudges only hurts you in the long run.

10. Be humble - don't brag or boast about your accomplishments.

11. Be patient - good things come to those who wait.

12. Don't be a bully - treat others with kindness and compassion.

13. Be a good listener - pay attention to what others are saying.

14. Be a good communicator - express yourself clearly and effectively.

15. Be confident - believe in yourself and your abilities.

16. Act with integrity - do the right things, even when no one is watching.

17. Be disciplined - have self-control and focus on your goals.

18. Show gratitude - appreciate the people and things in your life.

19. Be open-minded - consider different perspectives and ideas.

20. Be a lifelong learner - never stop growing and improving yourself.

FINAL THOUGHT.

The mood is sometimes tense. You were caught off guard, and before you know it your first thought is not to keep silent. You are not interested in thinking carefully before you respond, so instead, you react. And it’s not good. Has this ever happened to you?

We sometimes make our decision to forgive based on the amount of hurt we experienced. A small offense is easier to forgive. But when something pierces our hearts, that’s another story. And yet, we know we are to forgive as others may have forgiven  us. Did we deserve forgiveness? WELL No, we didn’t. And yet, we were  forgiven We’re supposed to forgive that is what keeps us together.

No need to stay in your dating lane!

while growing up my mother told me to date only my own kind!

Well things have evolved over the years, many of us have changed lanes many times  leaving our own cultures and joining with other cultures creating  blends that will dominate for decades to come. Those who want their pure cultures to remain will find themselves in a minority by 2050 and beyond If this continues.....

No matter what our parents said the moves  have been going on for decades already. The blending and over lapping has taken shape. Please don't shoot this messenger I am just stating facts.

FINAL THOUGHT.

Many folks still have issues and negative apinions regarding Race mixing... From where I SEE it. science has discovered that all genes that we know about originated from the continent we know as Africa, no where else seems to have every gene known to man like Africa does.

So if we all originated from one place then we can mix and survive the blend.

some men may have the wrong perception on women remaining single

We men assume that she has a problem

However the problem is in our perception that attractive women should be able to capture the romantic eye of a man. What if she is just not interested in mating with someone?

With the ratio of women to men in some places ranging from 3-10  or more to 1 man some women may not  see the need to compete for a mate.... that's my guess.

Now in this younger woman's case I would have to guess that she has to have rejected guys one after the other to remain single. But in the end she might pick one!

FINAL THOUGHTS

Like James Brown sang " its a man's World."This is why our outlook on women is off and tilted  that women need a mate to be completely in balance. But don't some men have the problem with finding the right mate also?

How Do some folks win as a couple

HOW TO WIN AS A COUPLE

#1. Cover each other's weaknesses

#2. Celebrate each other's strengths

#3. Have no topics that you cannot talk about. No judgment. Openness will open your mind to solutions

4. Consider each other's opinions and contribution

5. Be 100% in. Full commitment

6. Make incremental progress. Seek growth, not perfection

7. Develop a culture of reviewing your relationship; are we doing OK, and where can we improve?

8. Accept correction, be humble

9. Work on yourselves to be the best wife, the best husband

10. Have joint goals

11. Support each other in your individual goals

12. Keep each other as a priority even as you have friends

13. Thank God together. A thankful couple is a powerful couple

14. Don't compete with each other, accommodate each other 

15. Bring whatever lessons or opportunities you learn out there into your marriage. Learn together 

16. Be patient. Some wins take time

17. When you fall whether as a couple or as individuals, pick each other up

18. Protect what you have built together. It is very easy to lose it fast

19. Control your tempers. A lot of bad choices are made in moments of anger

20. Don't copy other couples. Create your own  testimonies. 

My " Me and Mrs Jones experience "

ME and my Mrs Jones experience, when I was 20yrs young, we had a thing going on. Even though I was 3 yrs younger than her. Here in this pic I drank too many screw drivers at a function one evening which  caused me to  stopped drinking strong alcoholic beverages from that point forward She cared so much about me that she drove me home.

She was a legal secretary in the Wall Street law firm I also worked for, our relationship started when she would receive bomb scares, at the receptionist phone, and she would warn me before anyone else to leave the building. We would leave via the stairwell together down 47 floors to the street.

AND would stand on  Wall Street infront of the Handover Trust Bank building and then leave together for the rest of the day.

We both knew it could not continue but it was much too strong to let it go it was a very good passionate affair.

I never had another relationship with a married woman after her. She was the only Mrs Jones in my history

Final Thoughts.

When a woman cares about a man's safety so very much that she shows it every chance she got, that man feels a strong connection to her. I never forgot her. I heard the Billy Paul's song the other day,  after many years and the memories came rushing back. STRANGE that I never got rid of the picture! Maybe because I wasn't the one who was married, at the time, so I did not see any reason to hide it. She surely must have forgotten about me by now.( decades have gone by) I moved from N.Y. to Chicago to South Florida  then to the Caribbean Island of SXM. I don't know if she is still in N.Y.  and even alive and still married. Wouldn't it be interesting if she still remembers me like I remember her?

A man is often confused by the many comparisons

"You are just who I've always want…."

Men throughout the ages have heard it so many times that they are “just like someone,” be it their fathers, other members of their community, their race,their gender, even movie actors 

Men from the time they are born are being compared to others. You look like your dad, your grandfather, “you behave like all the other men I’ve known”, “You do this or that just like him”

Why is this such an association problem? It is somewhat simple, to figure out if you take the time to understand what is happening.  Many young  men grow up hardly  knowing their fathers, their only point of reference is what they were told by others, be it their mothers or grandmothers and even strangers.

Men have to analyze what all of these comparison really are doing to them mentally. If a man is just like someone, if the speaker admires then it’s a good thing, but if it’s the reverse then it’s a bad thing. Women do it and do not know how damaging this can become, because these triggers are loaded with false narratives. Woman hate being compared to other women, but they do it to men all the time.

A quick personal story: While I was growing up, I was often told that I looked like my grandfather (my mother’s father) he was an outstand man in her mind, with very few faults, she told me, she admired his looks, and loved having him as her father, his gentle manners, how he worked hard to raise her and her siblings (at that time he had 3 daughters and 1 son), so she married a man who had many of these types of qualities except one that she never told me much about. My grandfather was a womanizer ( who had more than a few other women with whom he had  more children. I learned later that he had various sets of offsprings ( including marrying a woman 30 years younger than him in his later years (60+) and had 3 children with her). My father was not a womanizer (at least I never found out that he was), so she was able to marry a man that treated her well, and raise a son ( yours truly) who was born 2 days before my fathers birthday. So we were the same astrological sign. She would often compare my talents to my dad’s and I liked hearing that..... because my dad was a builder, he was creative and could make stuff etc.. So once again her comparing me to these two men had a positive effect on my self image. But in my teenage years, I realized and heard about and met my grandfather’s multiple sets of offsprings. Aunts and uncles that were not my grandmother's children. Some I got to know some of them and others I just heard stories about. So after I left home, and went to college in N.Y, these images of these two men swirled around in my head. Who was I really like any of them?  or both? I figured I could get away with being a womanizer in a big city, multiple boroughs to move around in. Multiple types of women and even multiple cultures to explore. One common identity that I have was that I was very diverse, both my grandfather and father were multi-lingual as am I. They both had travel to the same places mainly the Dominican Republic in their youth lived in communities that were not where they originated. Well so I was just like them in that sense. If I was like my grandfather then I would use the skills I received from him via DNA, and if I was like my father then I would use the skills I received from him via his DNA. My father was a mr. fixit, mr. build whatever. My grandfather was Mr. smooth gifted in attracting women, in his early years he was a coachman, as young man in the early 1900 so he drove a sports car back then by those day's standards.

He had style as he was the guy lady first saw when the horses and buggy approached I'm sure he used that to his advantage, with the ladies.

My question that I’m now faced with what did I pass on to my two sons? My first son looked a lot like me, so he looks like his great grandfather, too. As a matter of fact I placed my pic and his baby pictures in a frame side by side, people would ask me if I had a twin brother or was my eldest son a twin. One woman would visit me and would walk over to the picture and tell me she wanted a son just like him. I would reply; 'then you would have to ask my ex if she would donate her egg for you to accomplish that.' Whereas my second son looks more like my father, he does not look exactly like me, he has some of his mothers features and some of mine, so he received the best parts from both of us? Now that I’m divorced I often wonder what their mother told them, in the years after I left. I’m still close to both of my sons. So I still have some influence over them. As does their mother. They are grown men now, with their own style of doing things. They are better men than I was (in my view), at their ages.

<smirking>

Final thoughts

 By  telling your sons that they are just like whoever... are you being honest in your comparisons or are you just saying it to punish them, or build them up..... too much. Look at the results in society.. with many black men having been killed before their children got to really know them. How can we rebuild society with the building blocks of images these young men have little if any memory of who they were.

isn't this great news

Let's just hope, that this trend continues! However while this may be happening in some places the 30% of children in single parent households is still a fact  which needs to be reduced to less than 10%.

What should we do about some relationships.

We all have those relationships that make us feel good and even bring out the best in us. On the other hand, there are also toxic people in our lives. And those are relationships that can completely drain our creative energy and tempt us to harbor negative feelings.

So, the question is, what do we do?  How do we effectively and compassionately deal with these toxic people, especially if they are people we really love or hold a long history with?

Smartly surviving this up-and-down battle can be confusing and even exhausting. But it doesn’t have to be. There are ways you can approach these relationships in a kind, peaceful and compassionate manner. In fact, with practice, you can protect your own energy – allowing yourself to project your light outward to them and even help them to 

1. Put feelings aside and rather than overlook them,  take a good look, at the effect they have on your life.

Sometimes when we really love someone we overlook their toxicity or make excuses for them. It can be easy to do if the person has a history of problems and hardship. However, this is allowing that person to be just the “way they are” – negative, unhappy, angry, dramatic, etc.

The truth is, this isn’t who they are at their core. Everyone has love in their heart and the potential to live a happy, fulfilled life. Toxic people have just built walls around this and they are blocking themselves off from what they deserve. As Eckhart Tolle said in his book, The Power of Now , their “pain body” wants to feed and so it attracts experiences to allow this toxicity to expand – you being one of the victims.

With that being said, examine how this person is treating you. Look at how it has affected your life and how long this has been going on. At some level, you attracted what you are experiencing. So, the best thing to do is to look for the lesson in the pain and declare that you won’t allow this person to treat you like this In fact, even if this person doesn’t change, their attitude around you will change. When you mindfully and verbally declare your power over this person and your future situations (releasing the fear and judgment from the past), you may notice that even though they are still a toxic person, they won’t be around you.

2. Honestly and peacefully let them know their toxic behavior is not acceptable anymore.

One of the best things you can be in life is HONEST. Life rewards you for your honesty. While it can be challenging to confront a toxic person, because they may not even recognize their own behavior, it’s best for them and you to tell them about themselves. Prepare yourself mentally not to accept any type of rejection or upset they may spew at you. Stay strong and remember that you aren’t dealing with a level-headed person right now, they are FULL of toxicity. In that toxic negative energy is also denial.

The good news is they say denial is the first stage of acceptance. They will need time to think and absorb what you said. Give them time. Let them know you are there for them and can help them work through it if you want to. Briefly give them a few positive outlets or resources that will leave the light on for them (like the Power of Positivity). Most importantly, let them know you will no longer accept their behavior. This is where YOUR power shines through. This is where you stand up and confront what you no longer deserve.

3. Don’t take personal responsibility for their behavior.

Sometimes in these situations, people tend to blame themselves for the toxic people in their life. But that’s far from the truth; they have very little to no responsibility for the behavior of others.  This is mostly due to the fact that toxic people put blame on things outside of themselves – usually blaming the victim.  If this is the case for you, release the need to take any responsibility for them. They have the ability to control their emotions just like anyone else. Recommend or give them “Emotional Freedom” by Judith Orloff.

Our society has been taught very little about how to control emotions, but it’s one of the biggest skills we need to learn to be happy and have great relationships with others.

4. Send blessings and positive, healing vibes their way.

When you’re down, doesn’t it feel wonderful to have someone just come give you a big hug for no other reason?  Well, that’s the way most people feel. It is okay and healthy to give hugs or at the least, send positive thoughts and healing well wishes their way. Holding on to anger, resentment or hatred will only affect you and keep you from living your happiest life.

If you can’t bear to communicate with them, then try to communicate with your higher source to send blessings their way.   Remember that when someone is living a toxic, negative lifestyle, they need your positive energy the most.

5. Decide to either help them or move on.

Ultimately, it’s important to decide how you want to move forward with the toxic people in your life. It’s okay to limit a toxic relationship, but it’s also important to remember the compassionate aspect of life – that we’re all in this together and need each others’ support.  It’s really best to follow your intuition and feeling in the right direction.

You can also end a relationship with a toxic person and still be compassionate toward them at the same time.  If you don’t want to speak with them, you can even just send a text, email, or write an old-fashioned letter.  Sometimes it’s best to limit your communication,  but if the person is really affecting you in a very negative way and you see no sign of improvement, it might be time to move on. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.

6. Take time to clear your mind and free your spirit.

While you are detoxing and cleansing your life, it’s important to get out into nature or participate in your favorite hobby/activity that will clear your mind. Handling toxic people is not an easy task. Stress can build up and affect your life in a big way unless you stop and take care of yourself. You can spend it with loved ones or completely alone.  Either way, do something that completely takes your mind off of everything so you spirit  can relax.

It took decade before we started realizing that African women are also beautiful

No matter how often we deny that skin color causes us to react in various ways, because of brainwashing. We might over react or flat out assume the brainwashing was designed to keep us from appreciating African women, facts are facts.

why are they so critical of black female exceptional athletes

Well maybe because these ladies might produce future offspring athletes. And keep on inspiring excellence.

I saw a post about Stephi Graf the other day ,I don't remember hearing or seeing anything but praise next to her name.

So why when I read about the five ladies posted above there is a list of nonsense about them. Even when there are complements about their achievements there is  an undertone of negative stuff. SMDH.

Will this negativity ever change?

I sincerely hope it does our future exceptional  black women and men deserve to be appreciated to the max!

Take Sha Cari as an example the comment were along the line that she was never going to beat the Jamaican females Ina race. Well she has improved to the point where she is at their level now.

I can go down the list but I will not.

They said that Edwin Moses was not that great. But I believe his record still stands. Wow so not much has changed since his days?

Ask Not why. just accept it and move on

I was Asked just the other day if I would get married more than once.

My answer was simple 'why would I do something and risk giving away more than half of my stuff!'

People have the right to reject you, as you have the right to do the same. I never felt like I was God's gift to anyone, or they were God's gift to me.

Marriage is a commitment to work together. I said the vows but never did I think if it does not workout I will eventually  give up on my marriage, so when I was served with divorce papers.... I became angry , but not too angry.  I decided I should pack up and leave. It was not my ego or false pride that prompted my decision. It was Simple, 'if you don't want me anymore I will not try to stay where I am not wanted or nolonger needed.'

If it was something I did, in her mind, that caused her to ask for a divorce then I will not try to change her mind.

The way we hope others will respond to us is the manner in which we must express ourselves. Life is a mirror that reflects your expressions.if you smile, you'll see people with cheerful dispositions. If you are irritable, you'll find a true picture of your contemptible self. You will find nothing in the world that you will not find in yourself. Nature takes on your moods.If you rejoice, the world rejoices.if you trust, you are trusted. If you love  you are loved. If you hate, you are hated.you will cast your own reflection.

Some people try to hold on to where they are no longer wanted. Not this guy!

FINAL THOUGHTS

The most forgiving man who walked this Earth never married. Why would I, as a less forgiving man, get married more than once?

Once is more than enough!

The question "What is Truth?" Is the cry of every person's soul at some time in his or her life. "Truth" is the state in which spirit dwells  a state of perfection that is eternally  creatively active. Truth may be defined as the action of spirit. So let the truth be told. She had trust issues from before we got married, and this never really changed!

let's get it right

“Sex is NOT love. Love is not sex. 🦋You can have sex and not be in love. Sex is a physical act, love is an emotional feeling. You can be in love and not engage in sex. A man may hate you and still have sex with you. Be wise. Using sex to manipulate a man will eventually fail. It is self deception to think that giving him sex will make him love you. True Love will never force you to engage in sex. A man who doesn't love you will not change his mind because of sex. If he tells you to ‘prove your love’ by having sex with him. He is only using you. If he is in it for the sex, ‘better sex’ will take him away from you.

Making yourself a ‘sex slave’ is foolish. Love will never shame or degrade you. If you have made the mistake of trying to use sex to buy this man, now is the time to re-assess your relationship and build it on the right foundation.

If he gets married to you because ‘the sex is good’, it will be fatal to your marriage. Let him get married to you because he loves you, honors you, feels a strong emotional, mental and spiritual connection with you and wants you to spend the rest of his life with you.” ❤️

Are black woman naturally more beautiful now

Many of us are now seeing what previous generations of blackmen did not see.

The question that lingers in some of our minds is: Are many of these blackwomen this naturally beatiful or has there been a great improvement in black beauty products?

As a guy who grewup in the 1970s-1990s.I use to watch the transformation as my aunt, Who was a hair dresser/ beautition change the looks of many blackwomen from good-looking to stunning beauties. I have to admit that today's beautiful woman are doing a greater job of keep the look of blackwoman a point of interest for many of us blackmen.

So what is it that is really catching out attention?

Her eyes, the lips or the entire face, that is now flawless and spotless?

Or  has the African female suddenly become the attraction we are now recognizing, as beatiful?

You see a woman with her child and suddenly you start finding the things in the child's face that is from the mother regardless of how the father looks. The child is not waring makeup! So a cute child is flawless like .mommy

Final thoughts

Say what you want the natural beauty is growng from previous generations to current offsprngs.the feminine energy is so much more over powering these days.

there is an elegance, I have to admit that I am now seeing that I didn't see years ago!
Ok you might think that my eyes are not as sharp as they used to be , but I can still thread a needle without glasses Therefore I can see that blackwomen can look flawless. EXCEPT I dont like tattoos! So ladies avoid tattoos and your stock shall rise in my eyes!

Final thoughts

WE MEN can make many wishes, but can't make what is different from how the creator intended it to be. As an older Gentleman we sometimes feel like we were short changed,and now have to keep trying to be relevant in today's World.

Not Trusting is never really unwarranted

A  quick little story about a prosperous young Wall Street broker met and fell in love with a stunning fashion model.He frequently  escorted her about town, hoping to secure her hand in marriage one day.But being a cautious guy, he decided that before proposing to her, he would have a private investigator check her background and present her activities. After all, he reminded himself, I have both a growing fortune and reputation to protect against a marital misadventure. He requested that the agency not reveal his identity to the investigator filing the report on the bride-to-be. In due  time the investigator submitted his findings. It said the fashion model had an unblemished past, a spotless reputation, and her friends were all of the highest
 reputation also

The report concluded, "the only shadow is that she is often seen around lower Manhattan  in the company of a young broker of dubious business practices  and principles." 

In his effort to uncover her shortcomings, the young broker exposed his own flaws.

Final thought.

A beautiful and special woman could have a past that a guy with a unscrupulous mind might question everything about her. Based on his own behaviors he knows he is not totally trustworthy so he is on the lookout that he might get scammed by her. If his suspicious nature does not recognize a good woman he might in time destroy what could have been an ideal union.

When a woman becomes a bit softer

You can tell when a woman is no longer carrying the masculine energy as the forefront of her existence and moves into her natural feminine state. 

This can happen when a Loving Man finally enters her life and loves her well with a language that she understands. A Man that secures and validates her emotions and allows her to just BE who she is naturally 

This woman now looks soft and sensual and at peace.

Even without smiling, she looks HAPPY!

Whatever her husband is doing, please keep it up. She might just tell you

" You are the love of my life"

Final thoughts

There are situations In a woman's life that causes her to change. We men do not always understand or even see when the change occurs. I saw it twice because I have two sons with the only woman that was my wife. She is a great mother to my sons. My ego used to have me thinking she changed because she gave birth to My children. Well I might have been a bit mistaken. When a woman is pregnant a process  called, "“fetal-maternal microchimerism " happens where the cells of the fetus circles through the woman's blood stream and returns to the fetus. This causes a bond that we men never could have with our children.

 Mothers have a bond with their children, that men sinply do not have.... they say that fathers form a bond with our sons over time, but never like the bond that mothers and sons share, because it is different.

I have learned a lot over the years by listening to wise folks who have shared their wisdom with me. these folks understood things that I initially did not know much about.

“fetal-maternal microchimerism" happens for 41 weeks, the cells of the baby circulate and merge backwards and forwards, and after the baby is born, many of these cells stay in the mother’s body, leaving a permanent imprint in the mothers tissues, bones, brain, and skin, and often stay there for decades. Every single child a mother has afterwards.

Even if a pregnancy doesn't go to full term or if you have an abortion, these cells still migrate into the mother's bloodstream.

Research has shown that if a mother's heart is injured, fetal cells will rush to the site of the injury and change into different types of cells that specialize in mending the heart.

The baby helps repair the mother, while the mother builds the baby.

Studies have also shown cells from a fetus in a mothers brain 18 years after she gave birth. How amazing is that?”

If you’re a mom you know how you can intuitively feel your child even when they are not there…. Well, now there is scientific proof that moms carry them for years and years even after they have given birth to them.This is often why certain illnesses vanish while a woman is pregnant.

Even if a pregnancy doesn't go to full term or if the woman have an abortion, these cells still migrate into her bloodstream.

Nature is just amazing.

When my mother had still born baby girl before she had me she was so depressed that she went to visit my grand mother who comforted her and told to try again to have another baby (she then gave birth to me 4 years after that still born baby... I would like to think I healed her broken heart, our bond was so great it now makes sense to me why so much of her life revolved around my happiness

She wanted me to get married and be happy before she died.. I would like to think I did make her happy,and proud before she died!

Do we know enough about a fetus

There is so much that we men need to learn about a fetus. Even women do not know all there is to know.

After a serious conversation I concluded that more info is needed.

When pregnant, the cells of the baby migrate into the mothers bloodstream and then circle back into the baby, it’s called “fetal-maternal microchimerism”.⁠

For 41 weeks, the cells circulate and merge backwards and forwards, and after the baby is born, many of these cells stay in the mother’s body, leaving a permanent imprint in the mothers tissues, bones, brain, and skin, and often stay there for decades. Every single child a mother has afterwards will leave a similar imprint on her body.

Even if a pregnancy doesn't go to full term or if a woman has an abortion, these cells still migrate into her bloodstream.

Research has shown that if a mother's heart is injured, fetal cells will rush to the site of the injury and change into different types of cells that specialize in mending the heart.

The baby helps repair the mother, while the mother builds the baby.

How cool is that?

This is often why certain illnesses vanish while pregnant.

It’s incredible how mothers bodies protect the baby at all costs, and the baby protects & rebuilds the mother back - so that the baby can develop safely and survive.

Think about crazy cravings for a moment. What was the mother deficient in that the baby made them crave?

Studies have also shown cells from a fetus in a mothers brain 18 years after she gave birth. How amazing is that?”

If you are a mom you know how you can intuitively feel your child even when they are not there…. Well, now there is scientific proof that moms carry them for years and years even after they have given birth to them.

Final thoughts

Many men want to dictate that men should have control as to if a woman should have an abortion or not. Those of us who believe that it is solo the woman's choice. Might think differently. We might like to be consulted. However we men can never feel what a woman feels given what research has proven. 

try to understand that all her days are not the same.

 Love her extra on her bad days. There’ll be days where she’ll get angry at little things. There’ll be days where she’ll take everything too seriously. There’ll be days where she’ll be too emotional. There’ll be days where you’ll notice she’s being more clingy. There’ll be days where she’ll be easily upset. There’ll be days where she’ll be more sensitive than usual. There’ll be days where she’ll be more quiet than normal. There’ll be days where she’ll feel overwhelmed by everything going on around her and mistakenly lash out at you. There’ll be days where she’s going to overthink and over-analyze everything which’ll cause her to be negative. There’ll be days where she’s going to take things the wrong way and feel attacked. There’ll be days where she’ll seem distant and not have much to say. There’ll be days where her insecurities are going to get the best of her. There’ll be days where she’ll feel like it’s not going to get better. And on those days, especially on those days, is when she’s going to need you the most. You need to be more patient with her. You need to be more understanding with her. You need to be more attentive to her. Don’t take it as her trying to pick a fight with you. Don’t take it as her giving you an attitude. Don’t take it as her being cold towards you. It’s just her at her lowest point needing you to love her more even if you think she doesn’t deserve it because then, she’ll know that everything will be okay with you there... in her corner.

Final thoughts.

OK I  am not a guy who fully understand women, however I understand somethings about women's emotions. Over 25 years or just lived with a woman when I was married I lived through all of the above at various points in time.

So I learned a valuable set of lessons. So why am I nolonger married? Let me just say I did not always handle everything the way I listed above. My BAD for maturing too late!

when a woman is a reader

Very often men misjudge some women, just by how they look.

If a man spends time visiting the library, he might meet the woman he has been fantasizing about.

It is not rocket science  it is all timing. Very often men drive by a library but seldom go in side. Very often women walk into a library to spend quality time expanding their minds. You might accidentally meet her, if you go inside the building, guys!

A woman will see you drive by, and react if she just received a text from you..... that sent her a complimentary msg.

We men often expect to meet good women in clubs or bars. To be honest I have never been that fortunate. I have however met lovely wonderful women in church, library or exercise gymns, OR EVEN at work. But since I don't hangout in clubs and bars much, I yet to meet one I really fansy!

Final thought

Where you meet her is less important. What is most important is to not play games, and therefore missout on a connecting with that once in a lifetime potential love of your life. Go ahead and meet the other person you like half way... they might just be the one that makes you very happy!

So what does being the head of the home really mean.

WHAT BEING THE HEAD OF THE HOME MEANS...

Many men love to lay claim of  being the head of the home, but the head of the home is not a title but a function. Being the head of the home means:

1. Staying faithful to your wife. How can you break the same home you claim you are the head of?

2. Promoting and maintaining teamwork with your wife. Many husbands destroy the spirit of teamwork by not involving their wives in decision making process. Being head doesn't mean you know everything or you make all decisions, but that you provide the right direction and environment where well-thought out decisions can be made.

3. Praying for your family, both with your wife and on your own. How can you be the head and not led by God?

4. Treating your wife properly because the wife dictates the mood of the house. If she is treated badly, the mood in the home becomes dull, cold, draining and unpleasant.

5. Coming up with a vision for the family in partnership with your wife. Where will you live ten years from now, which schools will the children go to? What growth will be attained as a family twenty years from now?

6. Providing for the family, and if your wife is earning money too, then being the head also means encouraging and supporting her work and contribution as well as making sure that money is used well.

7. Spending adequate time at home with your family. How can you be the head of a home to which you are like a visitor?

8. Modelling to your children how adults behave, how problems are solved and what it means to grow up.

9. Allowing God to reign in the home. Spiritual nurturing is not for women alone. The Lord reigns best in the homes where both husband and wife are submitted to God. Teach your children Godly ways by being Godly.

10. Protecting your home from enemies, your friends, your parents, intruders and women who try to seduce you.

11. Excelling outside the home. Guard the integrity and reputation of your name because your home and family carries your name.

12. Providing leadership through service. Leadership is not sitting on the sofa, legs raised and giving orders. It means helping out with the chores, serving your wife especially when she is exhausted or pregnant, getting your hands and clothes dirty as you play with the children, doing more than what is required of you at home. This is your family.

13. Being wise enough to walk away from a fight with your wife, choosing not to hit or slap your wife, being humble enough to say sorry when you're wrong, letting petty domestic arguments go. Maintaining peace at home. You are the key to peace at home.

14. Making sure no one; not your wife, not any of your children feels left out or misunderstood. No child should feel like a black-sheep, unwanted, a burden or that dad is favoring one child over another; whether that child is biologically yours or not.

15. Being active in seeking solutions at home. When troubles or problems knock on the door of your home, man up, find solutions. Problems will not solve themselves.

16. Disciplining your child/children with love. Do not instill fear. Correct with love. Open the eyes of your child/children to be able to discern between right and wrong. Like the father of the Prodigal Son, let your arms of unconditional love be ever open.

17. Covering your child/children when they make mistakes and to keep them from making mistakes. Sometimes we get mad and angry at our children for the mess they make, yet we did not give them instruction and capacity to navigate through issues. We accuse our children of bringing us shame, wasting our money or failing us yet we did not cover them by shielding them from themselves. It's like parents getting angry their teenage daughter is pregnant yet as parents they never prepared their daughter for sex and the world. We expect our children to think like us yet we left them alone to find the way; we have more years of experience. Give advise even when not asked because children often don't know how to ask for advise or if they need advise.

 

Men may try but they can't succeed in some cases

Ladies we men can't fill a need you can't define! It is impossible to catch and hold on to a cloud. 

Women like it when men cater to their needs, not necessarily all their wants.

When a woman has a man who takes care of her physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, that's when you get the best version out of her. And when you get the best version of her, she's going to contribute to your growth because she now has a solid man in her life who she knows she can depend on, and she's no longer just in survival mode. She can now flourish in her feminity and she will be your backbone, so to speak. 

But if you're going to do wrong to her, just know that a woman becomes a true reflection of how you treat her. And if you don't like how she's acting, look at how you're treating her. If You are taking good care of her, this helps her take better care of you. 

A man can think he has woman on lock while laying next to her every night but her mind  might  be elsewhere. And it's not like she didn't try, she gave you her all in the relationship in the beginning and was very patient with you. She verbalized what she wasn't happy about and you refused to work on it. She was sticking around because of that little bit of hope that you might change and do better. Especially if you have children.

But you best believe she might have already checked out mentally, and once you lose her mind, the body soon follows.  Women leave mentally way before they leave physically. You might have to do backward flips to please her if she checked out!

What does incremental change look like?

It's change that will last so much longer, if you stick to doing the right things.

The richness of your promise has not run out yet.

Talk about her health, happiness, and prosperity to her.

Make all her valued friends feel that there is power inside them also, not just in your woman.

Be optimistic  and look at life's sunnier side.

Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best.

Be just as enthusiastic  regarding the success of others as you are about your own.

Forget  the mistakes of the past and press forward to the greater achievements of the future.

Wear a cheerful countenance at all times and greet every living creature with a warm smile. Women like cheerful looking men.

Give so much time to improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize  others

Be too positive  for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to allow the presence of trouble.

Raise your consciousness, live up to your divine potential  regardless of outer circumstances. Do all the above and you will be appreciated by almost every person in your life.

Approval, praise,and love are the great motivator.

The ego craves appreciation and recognizes appreciation, receives pleasure from the approval of others. When we are patted on the back, we feel happy and worthy 

A woman does not want a pat  on the Back she needs security. and intimacy.

if it rains shelter her, if the sun is very hot shelter her from the rays also.

Final thoughts 

What you give to her she will appreciate, unless you didn't really mean to give it. Love feels better to give, than to expect to receive it. Push your ego aside!  We usually see things not, as they are but as we are!

Rwanda has so many beautiful women to choose from

They seem to all have  simular pretty faces, long legs and well shaped bodies.

Our westerner Africans were deployed via slaveships to the Americas therefore deprived of meeting women from East Africa. This can be depressing to think about.  I guess the Colonial powers knew that if our African people from the Eastern cultures were to mix with the west African cultures. They could not have dominate Africa. By keeping us separated they could control the continent.

If our male ancestors knew that Rwanda beauty was this outstanding they would have ran in the opposite direction to meet women like these. Instead being captured and chained in the bottom of slaveships and crossed the Atlantic Ocean to be forced to become forced labor.

Final thoughts 

I can just picture my great great grand father running at record setting speed to East Africa away from him bring captured and starting a family with one of these beautiful women's great great grandmother. I know that he would have never ever been recaptured. This could have become an East meets West Africa romance movie. Staring Denzel Washington as Jessy Owen's grand father. How do I imagine this because during my sophomore year in college I took many trips to Washington DC with a buddy to visit his family. I will never forget how

 many times my eyes popped out of their socket as I saw so many beautiful East African women in DC from Ethiopia, Rwanda,Somalia and other East African countries.I thought this is what I have been missing by being a Westerner. So I know my male ancestors would had the same reaction, my grand father had an eye for beautiful women... and since I have much of his DNA it is gene elementary biology folks!

They can remain conservative dressers,  they make every outfit look stunning.

These ladies do not display what they should keep private.

             Her smile is magical.

Who can ignore that smile?

Did you seriously having all these Children before we got married

So tell me seriously who's children are these iThe oldsong "when a man loves a woman, she can do no wrong,  got me thinking.  . When a woman decides to remarry. If she was married  with children before they met it does not matter to him. He might even adopt her children so they can now carry the same last name as his family last name! The book "my life" by President Bull Clinton got me wondering about how complicated it can become when getting remarried women have to choose their last names!

Wait what?

This might start a serious conversation among his family and friends!

Old traditions, even biblical  paranoid  thoughts can drive a wedge between a couple because a divorced bride should not wear white! Ok who would have a problem with it?

Well that is so old fashioned. 

As a divorced man I often wondered what a new relationship could amount to since I have two grown sons. They would have to adjust to the idea that their mother, who kept her married last name, if she remarried might change her last name, making it different to theirs.

Well since in my case, my sons mother did not remarry up to this point. Things has not gotten to that point of last names being an issue. I have to venture a guess that she kept my lastname so that her and our sons would not have different last names! Not that she wanted to still seem to be married to their father

Some of my ex girlfriends tried to question me about why she did not change her lastname back to her maiden name. My response was always the same "She did not want to, I guess'

Final thoughts

Men have the opportunity to keep things simple. Whereas women who remarried  not so much! In Bill Clinton's case his biological father died before he was born, so the only father he knew was the man his mother married later, and that man adopted him and raised him... no complications there. His mother took her new husband's last name and her husband adopted Bill and gave him his name. Case closed! 

we are being delusional, sometimes.

"The most lonely place in the World is the human heart when love is absent"

Heartbreak will not just pass, it may get to the point when it hurts less. But as long as the memory still can surface every  now and then it will still hurts.

Ask her in 20 years if it still hurts, I bet she will reply " Yes it still hurts"

Let's face it.

Without truth, there can't be trust.without trust, there can be no permanent relationship.without a relationship, the chances of achieving success decrease dramatically. Isn't it interesting how the trio of truth  trust, and relationships  are tied so closely to proper communication?

"nothing in the World can work if you are not the architect"

Final thoughts. 

If you expect somebody else to guide you, you maybe remain lost.

One day a traveler in a remote  town, convinced that she was on the wrong road, came to a halt in a village

 Calling one of the villagers to the car window, and said. " friend, I need help. I am lost. The villager looked at her for a moment Do you know where you are? He asked.....yes said the traverler.I saw the name of your town as I entered. the villager nodded his head. Do you know where you want to be?

Yes  the traveler replied, and named her destination. The village looked away for a moment. You are not lost  you just need directions. He said.

It doesn't take much to find the high road to success the path that leads life's most precious treasures and thruiphant possibilities. But to discover those joys and feel zest for the future, you desperately need directions. Your life can't go according to plan if you have no plan.with a plan the confusion can be pierced. Emotionally speaking many of us are in the same position as the traveler  we know where we are sometimes disappointed, and disillusioned, we just need to make the most of our life by planning our moves  and working our plan

Like the traveler we are not lost we just need directions. 

There are good reasons why men should not have a vasectomy

 

Here are a few reasons that doctors have stated.

Later Complications

There are three main concerns regarding the long-term consequences or general health hazards of vasectomy. These concerns have arisen mainly from isolated studies over the past 50 years. Remember that it is important to show that several things be true when trying to link two medical conditions: a) that the link makes physiological sense and that this is shown in either animal models or in humans, and b) there should be excellent evidence of this link in populations of humans.

Heart Disease Risk

In 1979 a study was published that suggested that atherosclerosis or coronary artery disease might occur prematurely after vasectomy in monkeys. In this small study, monkeys fed high cholesterol diets were found to have what appeared to be increased amounts of atherosclerosis following vasectomy. Subsequent animal studies did not agree with these initial findings, and large epidemiological studies, including an extensive study of U.S physicians followed for 259,000 person-years have concluded that neither early atherosclerosis nor heart attacks or strokes occur more frequently in men who have had vasectomies compared to men who have not.

It is true is that after vasectomy, approximately 60-70% of men develop a form of allergy to their sperm in the form of antisperm antibodies. The body, either during the vasectomy or after, is exposed to sperm proteins that it commonly does not see and antibodies against these proteins can be observed in some patients. However, it has not been shown conclusively that the presence of these antibodies has any significant effect on other organs.

Prostate Cancer Risk

There has been much discussion over the past 15 years about whether vasectomy is associated with the development of prostate cancer later in life. The Journal of the American Medical Association published 2 reports suggesting that men who have had a vasectomy may be at risk for developing prostate cancer. Both studies were coauthored by Dr. Edward Giovannucci. One study evaluated men married to female nurses: men with vasectomies were compared to men without. The second study evaluated men in the health professions (veterinarians, pharmacists etc) who had had a vasectomy, and, again compared them with other male health professionals who had not had vasectomies. In both studies, there appeared to be an increased risk of developing prostate cancer in men who had a vasectomy more than 20-22 years before. On the contrary, several other studies, including several in the U.S showed no statistically significant increase in the risk of prostate cancer following vasectomy. Indeed, it was suggested in the same JAMA issues that a true cause-and-effect relationship could occur by chance alone, or because of biases (selectivity) or other unaccounted variables in these two studies.

Concerns raised from these studies include the fact that the men in the study might not represent the larger population of all men who get vasectomies. This means that the study cannot be used with certainty to predict a similar occurrence in the general population. It is also possible that the men who had had vasectomies in these studies would be more likely to see a urologist rather than an internist or family practice physician for later evaluation of a urologic problem than the men who had not had vasectomies. Urologists are better at finding prostate abnormalities than other kinds of physicians and therefore cancer might have been detected earlier than it would have otherwise. This is called “detection bias.” It has also been suggested this study design makes it impossible to identify all of the factors that might contribute to this end result with two events (vasectomy and cancer) occurring several decades apart. A prospective study is really necessary here to answer the question. A prospective study evaluates groups of patients at the time they have the vasectomy and follows them regularly for years to see, if indeed, cancers do occur. This is the most powerful way to study this relationship, but was not used in the Giovannucci papers. In addition, no study has ever established that there is an increased risk of death after prostate cancer following vasectomy.

Because the question of a relationship between vasectomy and prostate cancer was raised, the American Urological Association first recommended that men who had a vasectomy more than 20 years ago or who were > 40 years of age at the time of vasectomy have an annual examination of their prostates as well as a blood test for prostate cancer (serum Prostate Specific Antigen or PSA). However, given the recent lack of support for this relationship between vasectomy and prostate cancer, this recommendation has been revoked. Finally, no mechanism is known, nor is there any animal model proof of the plausibility of the link between these conditions.

Dementia Risk

There is a recent, single, small paper that has linked vasectomy to the later development of a rare form of Alzheimer’s disease. The issue is that a researcher found that, among a group of patients suffering a form of dementia called primary progressive aphasia (PPA) that is often confused for Alzheimer’s disease, the men had a higher percentage of vasectomy than was thought normal. The study found that 40% of 47 men with PPA had had a vasectomy, while among another 57 men from the community without PPA there was a vasectomy rate of 16%. What this means is simply that the rate of vasectomy among PPA patients is a little over 2 fold higher than in otherwise healthy patients. This study did not find an increased rate of vasectomy in patients with Alzheimer’s.

The most common form of dementia caused by brain deterioration in individuals over age 65 is Alzheimer’s disease. A very unusual form of Alzheimer’s disease is called primary progressive aphasia. This condition robs people of their ability to speak and understand language, but they are still able to maintain their hobbies and perform other complicated tasks for a long time. By contrast, Alzheimer’s patients lose their memory, interest in hobbies, family life and become idle.

A “mechanism” for the association between PPA and vasectomy was also proposed in the study. It involves the fact that men can have antibodies form to sperm after having a vasectomy (see above risks) and these antibodies may somehow cross-react with the brain and cause PPA. There is no animal model data to support this theory, however.

Problems with this study are similar to that described for prostate cancer risk and vasectomy. How unique were these patients that they gathered from all over the US twice annually to participate in a support group with such rare disease? We really need a prospective study to show this relationship as retrospective studies have too much “bias” or too many uncontrolled issues that could produce the same result. In addition, the study groups were very small: fewer than 20 PPA patients had a vasectomy and fewer than 10 healthy patients had a vasectomy. It is hard to generalize at all from so few patients in a study. Also, the study methods were faulty in that the vasectomy condition should have been confirmed by reviewing the medical charts on the PPA patients, since their disease alters their ability to understand, hear and remember what has happened to them! Indeed, like the issue of prostate cancer and vasectomy, this issue will take at least a decade or two to confirm or disprove.