We have relationship seasons for reasons

We feel like we are a Forever after couple!

“Forever after” is a very nice slogan to have in your relationship.

However, it is not always realistic!
I applaud those that have committed to a

“forever after” union. I was one of those people when I was too young to know better.

I got married in my early 20(s) it was the example I had followed before my eyes growing up….

my parents were in a “forever after “ relationship one of my aunts and her husband were in the

same kind of relationship. So I believed that’s how it would be in my relationship.

But thinking back I came to realize my marriage was for a very long season.

A long season that spanned 2+ decades. So when I felt like I failed at my marriage,

I was not aware that I had succeeded and completed the long season.

It was not meant to be “forever after”. It was meant to be a for as long a season should last,

that overlapped 2 decades.

Ok, I can see you reading this and shaking your heads. When a marriage ends,

you feel like you have lost something but in actuality, you have completed the cycle of that season

If it was meant to be “forever after” it would have been forever.

The saying “what’s meant to be will be” is very true.

What is lost is the comfort level you had. Now you have to find the strength to kick it into another gear “solo”. When my eldest son was in high school his gospel choir sang on TV

the song that they sang was” Jesus is the reason, for the season”. I never really thought about it much at the time… but years later after I had become divorced. I came to my senses.

If even “Jesus is the reason, for the season”… then why am I trying to hold on to a season that has already past. Your past is just that…. your past.

Losing someone implies having owned them or them having owned you.

Once you free your mind of the fact that they legally no longer have a claim or a hold on you…...

You can “let freedom reign” and “happiness will find you again….. if you seek it in a duo.”

When Ive been in relationships that were for a season after divorcing they each lasted 2 years max.

That was my seasonal limit, I guess. Whereas people who were married until death did them part were they ever totally free to enjoy every day and were they always happy together?

If you believe that they were then you missed the point they were comfortable together, happy at times.

Their seasons were just like the 4 seasons we know in weather cycles.

He and she were in love for 4 seasons every year for decades but the seasons changed every year and their tolerance for each other lasted and spanned many seasons…

that’s great but not everyone wants to or are able to do it.

My mother and aunts were all women with high standards so they married very good men.

But only 3 out of the 5 marriages survived. Two ended in seperations and divorces.

However, each of my uncles got seperated from their wives and divorced in  short periods of time (5) on my mother side and (1) on my father side. Now looking back I tried to immulate my dad

and not my uncles. However,I wound up doing what none of them had done.

None of my uncles stayed married for 2+ dedaces without seperating or divorcing.

My dad and mom’s marriage lasted 4+ decades, when my mom died. So I did good to last as long as I did, half the time of my parents marriage.

Not a “failure” by any stretch of the imagination.

<smirking> she put up with me for over 2+ decades ( I applaud her for her efforts and tolerance).

I can also stated that on her side…. marriages were not “forever after”  

so if her examples were not to have a relationship last forever and my examples were a mix of both.

Then the inevitable happened, end of the season. We were together for a long season. I hope my sons understand that.

They group up in an era where divorces are more common than marriages that last forever.

So they have seen a different set of values as a standard.

My example to them is of a man who has committed to a long season and has picked up

and moved on with his life when that season ended.

I remember a conversation between my eldest son and one of his buddies in my presence.

He was telling his buddy about a woman that really wanted to have his child.

Her statement was: "we don’t have to get married or even live together I just want your child. "

His response was: “ What makes you think I would be OK with that?

My dad was in our home 24/7 I grewup knowing his love for our famly”  

I almost cried on the spot, because it hit me at that moment, that my sons had seen me as the example father they want to become.

Maybe I’m not a “forever after  guy” but I am a “committed to a long season guy!”  

Seasons greetings to you and yours!  

 

A toast to your season however long it may last.

Somethings could make her happy for a brief moment

Captain take me to a heavenly place!

We men are often confused because we try so hard to make our woman happy, not realizing that what makes a woman happy is not within the man’s power to do so. You can satisfy her with the things that are on her list, but that’s just temporary satisfaction…. Her long-term happiness is not due to you (as her man) doing the things that are on her list for her. Often enough her list is a “to do list” that was made up for her self achievements. Now she may like the fact that you have done a few of the thing she wants but the greatest satisfaction wasn’t that you did it for her,  you didn’t complete the list, to her total satisfaction. She wanted to achieve them herself for herself. Or have you do them and then correct them to her satisfaction. For example, if she wants to have the ultimate professional career… do you think handing her the keys to the Ivory tower will satisfy her the way she would be satisfied when she got there on her own with little or no help from her man, she might be happy, but she still thinks “would it be easier if he helps me?” Mature men are often more delusional than young men.  Young men look at women and think “yeah she is beautiful, but what will she do for me?” Mature men think “ Wow she is so beautiful, and looks happy, what do I need to do to keep her happy just like that… long-term” neither of the two men have a clue. Mature men can assume that she wants him to play the “Daddy” roll and younger men can assume she needs a stud to make have multiple orgasms. Both are not even close to getting it right. The statement often use for guys that are clueless about women’s needs... are “We men have no idea what to do to make her happy” Chris Rock said it best “ A man can not make a woman happy.”  this does not mean you should not try. It simply means try to do your best but doesn’t expect the impossible.

A man often thinks “well this would make ME happy” so he does that for his woman, thinking that it will make her happy also. “Wrong!” Your happiness as a man has nothing to do with her happiness as a woman. You might be the ultimate catch in multiple women’s view, but her knowing that... you become “that guy” that makes her most insecure.

This is a heavenly vacation… am I the only woman you have brought to this place?

“Why are you looking over your shoulder what are you looking for, you were so happy just  a minute ago!”

You can be that guy who is the CEO of mayor company, the king of the Mountain, and she will be right there with you  sharing in YOUR Glorous moments…. The benefits are numerious but she will not always be happy. “Why?” because now you have too much responsibility and her priorities are not that high on your to-do list.  She may like the status that your achievement brings but she is not the one who has achieve that status without being with you. Example: When I was trying hard to be all that I could be it was puzzling to me that I could impress a woman for about a second or two, and that was about it. If she was a “Gold digger “ then she liked the car I drove in Chicago, or  the apartment I had in N.Y…. If she was a consumer of fine wines and fancy dinners then she was loving the taste of the food that the chef put together…. Not the food that I cooked for her. OK it’s great you are a man who can cook her favorite meal…. but somehow the meal taste better to her if you took her to the revolving floor restaurant on the top of the Pier 66 hotel on the intercoastal in Fort Lauderdale Fl. Or the Intercontinetal hotel in Miami....  Or the Hancock build in Chicago , Ill. SMDH I’ve known fellahs that have flown women first class to New Orleans to have Dinner at the “Commanders Palace restaurant”, just to impress her… but once she has experienced it…. That wonderful impression wares off within seconds. It felt great, but once experienced…. it becomes … “what are you going to do next?” or “What have you done for me lately?” Be greatful that she wants to be in your company when she is enjoying what she wants to do. Think about it….. will she really enjoy being in a  skybox at your favorite Sunday afternoon NFL game. Maybe for the food and the drink and meetting influencial people, but the game bores her to death, and then she has to deal with your disappointment after your team lost.

OK! You can now ask; so what can I do to make her happy.

Let me repeat,  ‘Yeah Fellahs we are all clueless, as to what really makes her happy!’

Show me, and all of my family and friends, that you are committed.

Where is it, I want to see my gift!

It’s that time of years, gifts are exchanged and love is in the air, for some couples, that is what Christmas is all about… But she has been waiting for an engagement ring for a long time! Maybe too long!(her patience is wearing thin)

Just ask her what is she really thinking about having to wait so very long, for a piece of jewelry.

An engagement ring is a toke of validation, it basically states you are worthy to commit to. It also spells out how worthy based on the number of carats of the diamond… 1, 1.5, 1.75, 2, 3, 4, 5 carats these diamonds speak volumes to a woman’s feelings of being worthy.

So why is it, that when a woman receives the engagement ring that she feels like she needs to show it to all of her friends and family… Is it to create envy? Even though she will state we are engaged… The man has nothing to show, OK maybe the receipt. He has committed by giving his woman an engagement ring, and he gets a kiss in return maybe a hug to prove that she is very happy. But when they get married she may want her husband to wear a wedding band so that other females know to keep their hands off of her man. Don’t even flirt with him he is mine, mine, all mine.

The equality wave has not flowed in the direction yet, where women do the proposing. Here is why.. Women still want to be chosen, a ring speaks volumes. But after the couple gets married she wants her husband branded… If he wears a ring even if he takes it off it leaves a mark that spells it out.

Some women (who may be seen as desperate) have proposed to men by giving the man a ring on bended knee. She will forever wonder did he actually choose me or was I tired of waiting for him to commit, so I did it out of desperation?  Would he have chosen to give her a ring and announced their engagement? Like she did, would he have, jumping up and down, for joy like she would out of excitement now that she put him on the spot, by giving him an engagement ring??? Questions like these are tough to answer. Because the rolls have been reversed. Men do not think like women, we can’t have the same reactions or even have similar expectations in these matters.

So think carefully before taking the lead in these cases, Ladies!

When a man has not purchased the ring, what is he saying, in his mind?

• I’m  ready to commit, but not just yet
• I haven’t found the ring I think is valuable enough to show her how worthy she is.
• Maybe I can buy one that we will replace the stone later because I can’t afford the one she deserves right now.
• Telling her that I love her…. should be enough…why do I need to spend a fortune on a piece of jewelry
• If I do it when she expects it, will I feel like I was pressured into committing before I was really ready?

Why are you taking so DARN long to ask me to marry you?

Every single statement I listed above will create resentment…... trust me!

You will always create doubt in her mind when you’ve waited too long.

As a man, I have learned to put myself on the other side of the equation so that I can figure out why I receive some reactions instead of others.

Hmmm, what about that ring you promised?

“It was just sex”

OK, now try repeating the caption 3 times… and ask yourself how would you feel 

hearing that from someone you care about…. I will not even use the words love because this is about “Just sex” which by some folks definition is

the “absence of loving and affections, during the act of having just sex”.

When  adults have “Sex” it is an experience that can be categorized

in many different ways

“sharing that Loving feelings and giving of oneself”

or “banging it to the max” or “Smashing!“ and the list is endless.

Based on an Adult interpretation…. ‘Only Sex workers’ in my view

can say “they had just sex.” and it meant nothing  because it was “just sex.“

I have to admit these videos got me thinking. I have never, ever had “just sex”

with a woman. There was always some emotional attachment involved.

I either loved her, liked her a whole lot, Lusted after her for days, weeks,

months or even years. So I have never had “just sex” because

I don’t know what that is?!? There was always something stronger than

just chemistry between the woman and I, it was never a casual hookup.

It had to be an attraction of some kind, a desire was always in play,

that made me want to be with her. I wouldn’t even kiss someone I don’t like.

I would never perform oral sex acts on a Sex worker……

( just the thought makes me gag)
I would not sleep next to someone, after having a sexual encounter,

that I don’t know or want to wake up next to her the next morning.

This B.A.D. persona may seem to some folks like a different person that

would not even care about these things, but it’s to the contrary.

I never introduced myself while I was married as B.A.D. to anyone….

Even now, that I’m single if I like the person my relationships never had

“Smashing”,” or “Banging” Or any of the terms that are so commonly used

these days in them. These terms fall in the category of

“emotionless acts of victimizing someone else”.

I never want to “hit it” for just the Sake of “hitting it”.

The greatest moments in my relationships have always

been watching the woman I’m having a relationship with wakeup

the next morning and smiling back at me! I have never seen the face

of regret on a woman’s face the next morning….. in other words.

Now that might sound like I’m ego tripping…...

but I’m saying just the opposite. I’m not into women whom

I don’t have any emotional connect with. If she can have sex with

the man that she is not feeling then she is a “sex worker”

I’m not having sex with these kinds of women and don’t plan to.

I can tell instantly if she is not into me. but if she is into me then it's on the menu.

So if she is not into me then why would I want to have “Just sex”

with someone who is not into me? It defeats the  purpose in my narrow view.

“I love the way you made me feel like a natural woman!”

I don’t believe a sex worker wakes up the next morning saying

the above statement unless she has fallen -in love- with her “John!”

Take a second and watch these videos.

And watch how these adults had conversations about “Just SEX”,

and “Monogomy”

And  how guys, who are perceived as players,

think about women who had a “threesome” with

“two guys at the same time!”

Contrary to what we guys say “it’s NOT just sex to men or women ”.....

I will leave it right there.

How Important Is Monogamy? 

And Is It A Deal Breaker? 

Losing Your Woman To Another Man

Threesome Is It Every Man's Fantasy?

Do men really fall in love with women who challenge them?

Please remove your hand from knee!

If you are trying to get your act together, as a man you may not really know the answer to the caption question. Unless you have been in a relationship with
an accomplished self-empowered woman. As men, we know how to “chase”
who we think we want but do we know what to do when she slows down or even stops
and lets us catch up. Many women are stepping up to new levels these days.
And many guys are not quite there on their levels,  yet. So what happens if she falls for a guy, not on her level. Can he handle the challenges that come with her already being
where he is trying to get to? Maybe Oprah and Stedman are perfect examples as to
what catching up to her really means…….

Now we all want the best person on our arm, but if she drives a luxury car, for example,
and your car is not as stylish. Do you go to pick her up and feel comfortable if she says:
“ let’s take my car instead of yours. We can leave your car here and you can drive
it home after our date.”

OK, the message is clear she has created a picture of a position of more powerful than his.
The message should be clear but how is it received?

The feelings of not measuring up to her accomplishments can cause a man to retreat and
not want to try as hard to make the relationship even get out of blocks to a possibility  of “forever after!”
Maya Angelou stated it best “ you may not remember what they said, but you will remember
how they made you feel.” We are all sensitive beings but men have been taught over the years
to be tough “don’t show your feels, don’t let the other person know how they made you feel insecure
and never let them see you sweat.”   

Don’t get me wrong an immature man would think, “OK, great” I get to drive her car, and it’s a Bentley.”
But most guys that have a large ego might not want to be seen as a gigolo in her car,
he might be seen (by his friends) as her chauffeur, in his mind.   

Standard that has been established over the years (by men) have now started to erode.
Men sometimes feel like the odds are stacked again them. Women are now feeling empowered.
So what can two people do that are in these positions. Let’s ask Michelle Obama and Barack Obama…
They started out as Michelle having the job that made her his superior, for a time.
He drove a beat up car, that had holes in the floorboard. Picture her driving with him in that car and
her questioning if she wanted to be seen in that car with him, to them years later being
driven in President of the USA’s limo, and on Marine One from the white house lawn to flying on
US One (around the country and world).
So how did they make that happen? By being a team, she sacrifices her career for his drive to be
all that he can be. If you don’t know that delayed gratification comes with the price of
sacrifices up front. Not insisting that the other person has to be “what and who” you want them to be.
Might not work out well for either of you.

“The audacity of hope” (chapter 9 Family)  leads to “change we can believe in”  

Now I will read…..

“Becoming Michelle Obama “   

Next.
I can learn something from her for sure!

Threeway way relationships! Are they more common these days?

Karmia Berry in Red.

Let ’s get real and frank about things we may deny to those who do not know us.

But admit in private to people we confined in. When my young cousin Karmia Berry

Bernette Berry and Karmia Berry

starred in the movie “The Three-way” I had mixed feelings about watching simply

because this is my baby girl ( she is just like my daughter,

her and my sons are close cousins, like brothers and sister,

her mom and I grew up together, she was one of my older cousins who molded me )

starring in a movie that gave me pause. But when I saw the trailer I was less apprehensive

about seeing it. Simply because the plot was different from where my imagination took me.

You see in a mature man’s brain a threeway relationship, sounds like a “threesome”

I wasn’t ready to think of my young cousin starring in a movie like that…. Hell….

call me a hypocrite if you want. But I’m a family oriented man, who feels that seeing

two women and a man in bed together, or watching one getting played is

pretty much every man’s fantasy but when one of the women is someone

I have a great love for… I draw the line.

We can have a debate about it. And you will make me out to be a guy with double standards
. <smirking> soft or hardcore Porn is not cool if one of

the actresses is someone I know personally.

OK, enough about my double standards. With the ratio of men to women beinga many to one relationship…. It is understood that more women will be

in this relationship. It becomes very evident around the holidays.

When the least important woman on the man’s list is often all alone minus

her shared man on holidays like Thanksgiving  Christmas and New Year's Eve,

Easter, 4th of July etc. She might see him come by January 2nd of the New Year and then 350+ days of option dates or booty calls will be as if last New Years and

other holidays didn’t hurt like hell for some of these women. When I saw my cousin pop the dude across his head,

and call him "a liar and a cheater." I felt better that she wasn’t starring as the thid party,

the outside woman. But the reality was that my protecting nature was not cool with her even

acting in that kind of situation. She visited me a few years ago and as
we were hanging together at one of my friend’s restaurant Boo Boo Jams, his grandson,

(who is someone I know very well) came and introduced himself.

I was “no, this is not happening” he was in multiple relationships and I knew his history.

Normally that didn’t bother me I didn’t render judgment on his lifestyle….

Until he approached my cousin. Then all friendship bet’s were off.

They liked each other so I had to warn her that I might have to kill his whole family if he

hurts her. She understood! She didn't want her cousin turning into a criminal...
<smirking> So that was it for her being interested.

But not for him, she returned to N.Y. and a few weeks later he hopped on a plane

and went looking for her. She said: ” I don’t believe he did that.” my response was: ’

I told you about him and his obsessive nature…’

He could not get to see her because she lived in a different area than he thought….

wasted trip. LOL. Not everyone lives in Brooklyn.

However, had it not been my cousin then we would have been
joking about it sitting around the bar and trash talking on weekends and evenribbing him about chasing and missing.

I never mentioned it to him because I didn’t want to have that conversation.

click on https://www.facebook.com/Threewaymovie/