We have relationship seasons for reasons

We feel like we are a Forever after couple!

“Forever after” is a very nice slogan to have in your relationship.

However, it is not always realistic!
I applaud those that have committed to a

“forever after” union. I was one of those people when I was too young to know better.

I got married in my early 20(s) it was the example I had followed before my eyes growing up….

my parents were in a “forever after “ relationship one of my aunts and her husband were in the

same kind of relationship. So I believed that’s how it would be in my relationship.

But thinking back I came to realize my marriage was for a very long season.

A long season that spanned 2+ decades. So when I felt like I failed at my marriage,

I was not aware that I had succeeded and completed the long season.

It was not meant to be “forever after”. It was meant to be a for as long a season should last,

that overlapped 2 decades.

Ok, I can see you reading this and shaking your heads. When a marriage ends,

you feel like you have lost something but in actuality, you have completed the cycle of that season

If it was meant to be “forever after” it would have been forever.

The saying “what’s meant to be will be” is very true.

What is lost is the comfort level you had. Now you have to find the strength to kick it into another gear “solo”. When my eldest son was in high school his gospel choir sang on TV

the song that they sang was” Jesus is the reason, for the season”. I never really thought about it much at the time… but years later after I had become divorced. I came to my senses.

If even “Jesus is the reason, for the season”… then why am I trying to hold on to a season that has already past. Your past is just that…. your past.

Losing someone implies having owned them or them having owned you.

Once you free your mind of the fact that they legally no longer have a claim or a hold on you…...

You can “let freedom reign” and “happiness will find you again….. if you seek it in a duo.”

When Ive been in relationships that were for a season after divorcing they each lasted 2 years max.

That was my seasonal limit, I guess. Whereas people who were married until death did them part were they ever totally free to enjoy every day and were they always happy together?

If you believe that they were then you missed the point they were comfortable together, happy at times.

Their seasons were just like the 4 seasons we know in weather cycles.

He and she were in love for 4 seasons every year for decades but the seasons changed every year and their tolerance for each other lasted and spanned many seasons…

that’s great but not everyone wants to or are able to do it.

My mother and aunts were all women with high standards so they married very good men.

But only 3 out of the 5 marriages survived. Two ended in seperations and divorces.

However, each of my uncles got seperated from their wives and divorced in  short periods of time (5) on my mother side and (1) on my father side. Now looking back I tried to immulate my dad

and not my uncles. However,I wound up doing what none of them had done.

None of my uncles stayed married for 2+ dedaces without seperating or divorcing.

My dad and mom’s marriage lasted 4+ decades, when my mom died. So I did good to last as long as I did, half the time of my parents marriage.

Not a “failure” by any stretch of the imagination.

<smirking> she put up with me for over 2+ decades ( I applaud her for her efforts and tolerance).

I can also stated that on her side…. marriages were not “forever after”  

so if her examples were not to have a relationship last forever and my examples were a mix of both.

Then the inevitable happened, end of the season. We were together for a long season. I hope my sons understand that.

They group up in an era where divorces are more common than marriages that last forever.

So they have seen a different set of values as a standard.

My example to them is of a man who has committed to a long season and has picked up

and moved on with his life when that season ended.

I remember a conversation between my eldest son and one of his buddies in my presence.

He was telling his buddy about a woman that really wanted to have his child.

Her statement was: "we don’t have to get married or even live together I just want your child. "

His response was: “ What makes you think I would be OK with that?

My dad was in our home 24/7 I grewup knowing his love for our famly”  

I almost cried on the spot, because it hit me at that moment, that my sons had seen me as the example father they want to become.

Maybe I’m not a “forever after  guy” but I am a “committed to a long season guy!”  

Seasons greetings to you and yours!  

 

A toast to your season however long it may last.