Comparative superiority

So is this true love or a power play!

 A woman receiving this kind of hand  treatment is thinking
is he doing this to me exclusively or did he do this  to other women from his past also.

There is such a thing as True love, I believe  with a conviction that grows stronger every day there is someone that becomes “the one!” that you truly love.

Let's examine motives: why do we do what we do and label it  “attraction” or “instant chemistry” or “love at first site” or some kind of ego boosting  infatuation phrase? All men want to do the things that will have a women thinking that she is being treated special.  ‘Hmmm, I Kissed her just right and her head is still spinning. I Held her tenderly and she will not want me to let her go.’  Pay her a compliment that sounds like live music to her ears. I can go on and on. Why do I know so much about this because I have used everyone  of these setups to get what I wanted from a woman over the years. The term comparative superiority is a something I heard for the first time while watch the “Red table talk” with Jada Pinkett Smith, her daughter and her mother and their guest was the former monk Jay Shetty.

It instantly got me thinking about my behaviors in the past. All men go after women that they compare to some degree with other women from their past. She is prettier than the woman I had before, she is sexier that most of the other  women I had sex with, she is so much more glamorous than the woman I took to that dinner with my boss who was a head turner, but this one is a show stopper.

OK women do it also, he is so much  taller than the guys I usually date, he has so much more charm than what‘s his name, He is better looking than all of the guys I have dated in the past. He has to be  “ the One!”

So when do we ever get real about our making comparisons. Aren’t we always doing it to feel superior on some level. Acquiring a new treasure, trophy  wife, conquest. During ther Donald Trump presidency we have all become annoyed at how he would belittle women. And make himself look superior every chance he got. Many of us hate him for what is also our behavioral patterns. We don’t like to see ourselves as the same ego driven crude A$$holes like Trump. We might not do the same kind of things but we all do things that put ourselves in a superior category by comparing ourselves to others.  We want to out shine, out do the next person, or impress the person of interest to the point that they no longer have any interest in another persons, but us.

So why do we try to label it “Love.” Why not call it something else, like “superiority dominance”. Because that 4 letter word L-O-V-E  is disarming... it’s powerful beyond our own controlled imaginations and powers. We say “I love you” not because we really love the other person we say it because of the effect it has on the other person. Wow really? Most of us don’t even know what real love is and why we feel the need to love someone and have that person love us in return, “I love you too” is always a response that we love to hear,  or better yet ‘love me even greater than I will ever love you.’ well no one says that out loud, because we all have filters.

In my view most people think they love someone, because they love the idea of that person, not the real person!

As I’m writing this I’m having so many flashbacks that it might take me hours to compile all that I would want to say about this subject. Maybe I will make it a series of  blog post relating to: “comparative superiority analysis.”   

How many of us can honestly say we love someone

and we don’t judge them, ever?

These conversations can hurt more than you think.

I can't believe you just said that to me?

So can you take back what you said?  Can you erase the pain those words caused?

We are unable to have do-overs when the hurt is too great that the other person will most likely never forget how they felt when you said them. So why do couples fight during good times?

Our past feelings suddenly come up not just when we fall in love but at other times when we are feeling really good, happy, or even loving. At these positive times, couples may unexplainably fight when it seems as though they should be happy.

For example, a couple may fight when they move into a new home, redecorate, attend a function, a religious celebration, or a wedding, receive presents, go on a vacation or even a car ride, finish a project, celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. At all of these special occasions, one or both partners may suddenly experience unexplained moods and reactions, the upset tends to be either before, during, or right after the occasion.

Final thoughts:

The 90/10 principle

By understanding how past unresolved feelings periodically surface, it is easy to understand why we can become so easily hurt by the person we love. When we get upset, about 90% of the upset is related to our past and has nothing to do with what we think is upsetting us. Generally, only about 10% of our upset feelings are appropriate to the present experience.

For example: If our partner seems a little cynical of us, it may hurt our feelings a little. But because we are adults we are capable of understanding that they don’t mean to be cynical or critical or maybe that they had a bad day. Some of us will not take it personally. But on another day their criticism is very hurtful. On these days we are more vulnerable to criticism. It hurts more because it triggers our past feelings of similar things that hurt us. So we can't deal with the hurt and we overreact.
Let me share an example: If your partner seems a little extra critical unresolved feelings from your childhood are coming up because they are triggered.... you are easily interpreting your partner's rejection, and blame. Having adult discussions at these times is harder. Everything is misunderstood. When your partner seems cynical, 10% of your reaction relates to their effect of your reaction relates to their effect on you and 90% relates to your past. Imagine someone poking your arm a little or gently bumping into you. It doesn't hurt a lot. Now imagine you have an open wound or sore and someone starts poking at it or bumps into that area.... it hurts much more. In the same way, if unresolved feelings are coming up, we will be overly sensitive to the normal pokes and bumps of relating. Avoid LIVING in CONFUSION!

How much influence does an ex-lover exert over your current life?

It may seem over,
but I'm not done with you!

Men don’t usually have major problems with a former lover as women do, unless they had children together. Let’s face it women have been known to try and control an ex lover’s life, after the breakup, by using their children as pons. If she does not like her ex’s  new woman for whatever reason, she might or will use the children to control his life. Pull his chain,so to speak!

Men do it, also, to some degree,  but they usually have visitation rights, restrictions because  they seldom have custody of their children. Men can be spiteful and neglect their children just to mess up their ex-woman’s mind. Or if their finances are still connected in some way, the fights will be over money and control.  The problems usually stem from jealousy, these are ex(s) who can’t let go of the leash. They resent that their ex has moved on with their lives, without them. They don’t want their ex to have a better life with someone else than they are having in their current status. The question, that pops up in my mind is; why is this such a  serious problem for many folks? If the relationship ended on reasonable terms. Then let them go. Being bitter only hurts everybody involved, the children, and especially the bitter person.

Even when they are in a relationship themselves, they can’t seem to let go of the past.

I’ve become very good at letting go, and moving forward, not interfering unless I’m needed. My experience has taught me if you are no longer wanted, needed, or appreciated... Just move on, life is too short to be holding on to the past. My absence will leave a void or it will be a welcomed vacancy. No one has ever been able to accuse me of staying in the mix where I am not wanted. I exit and move far away, or I avoid invading  the other person’s space, you will never see me again in person… OK never is too strong a word.. But you will seldom see me. This is a simple policy that has allowed me to let go and move on with my life. It’s not perfect but it is very satisfying to me.

People sometimes think that they are being missed when they are not even being thought about.

When people are a  couple they should put their  heads together and make things work, for the betterment of their lives, when you are no longer together…... let each other go, and find happiness else where.

It’s not always easy, but just think of it as “ peace of mind” that comes with leaving your past in the past, it is so worth it, not to be in a stressful state of mind. It took me a few breakups, to realize I was not God’s gift to the women, I had relationships with. They may have loved me a for short while until they came to grips with the facts that I could not walk on water, and that I was not going to bend over backwards to please them. And when it was over it was over, no regrets just appreciation for the times that we had together. Why am I always quoting these old schools lyrics?  Well it’s probably because I still listen to old school music. From time to time. “Let’s just Kiss and say goodbye!”  

We loved each other for a season,

now we will have to part for good a reason.

Final thoughts

The waves of emotions, will eventually become calmer seas. The crashes of the wave will be painful for awhile but then the sea will calm down and you can float, and cruise without much drama. So learn to weather the storms and think of things  this way.

If you have a bucket of water, and you stick your hand in it, and even if  you stir it around, creating waves or rings of swirling water, when you remove your hand, the water will flow back and fill the area where you hand was, as if it was never there. So therefore my exit will not be missed in time.  If you want to come into my life the door is open, If you want exit my life the door is open. Just do not stand at the door way, you are blocking traffic of my happiness.  

I don’t know about you …. I intend to do the following. I will start each day with  a grateful heart. The people you left will never support you because they are afraid of what you might become without them.   

Me Black panther she Jungle Jane

So are women of this 21st century still Hero worshipers? I was curious about that as I was talking to some women, who are less impressed with “macho men of these days”. OK men have been focusing on looking as good as possible rock hard abs 6 or 8 packs, chiseled chess and 29 inch biceps.

“But what else is there to them?” this is  what a young woman in her mid twenties asked me, “Can he build me my dream house with all of those muscles or is he just for show?”

Obviously she is not that impressed with just the physics and chemistry, and the possibility between the sheets. That’s all good, but what else can he do for her is what she wanted to know. Women these days can afford to walk on a car lot and into a bank and buy and finance  a brand new car. They may have some saving to start building a home of their own or invest in a condo with a view of the ocean. So if she can do all that for herself, by herself, then what does she need a man for? Any man she gets involved with needs to step into her life and  bring her the things she can’t do for herself to the table. I hear these women venting that guys these day are not stepping forward with a plan that women can buy into. If she wants a family then she also wants security in the event that she might have to take time off from her career, to have a baby or two. She wants a man that can carry the load  during her down time. So what is he bringing to the table? He doesn’t have to be a Billionaire, or even a Millionaire, but his income needs to be able to cover them for a period when she can’t contribute as much as she can right now. So one young lady turned to me and asked me “when did you buy your first home and how did you do it. She also wanted to know if I did it without help. So I told her I got  married young and my bride and I saved her paychecks for two+ years to have a good down payment for our dream home while I paid for the two new car notes and the rent and all our combined bills, so that we could build our first home. I was in my mid-twenties, my bride was in her early twenties. We had our first home built before we started a family and years later we moved to an upgraded home and got divorced after  being together, on the same page, during the building years. Once we no longer had plans for growth together we split. So she asked me if my then wife was not scared in the beginning of investing all of her paychecks in a dream. I said: 'she might have been but she knew that I had also committed to making our joint venture work. I even paid off her student loan, during that period, well her student loan was only for 2 years of college…. Which it’s now way less the cost of what it is these days.   We planned and worked together.' She shook her head “that will not work so easily these days…” So I said calmly: 'who said it was easy?' It took discipline, and an unwavering commitment.' Then came the tough questions “ you are divorced so what went wrong?” the answer was not something I wanted to answer in details so I declined to answer with specifics. So I said: ‘You see life has forks in the road and on you journey you might get to that fork in the road and one might want to go right and the other left. Stuff happens and stuff happened in our case. We were great at building together but not that great at  staying together. When you start of your relationship with a plan then your plans and desires rule your thoughts, goals and dreams taking place on the front burner in you reasons for doing things. But when you start wanting different things then you run into that fork in the road.’

There are a few homes listed in our price range do you want to

start making appointment to go check them out?

Final thoughts.

Could I still do  what we did... with a  new partner today. Maybe... maybe not, I think I would have to find another woman who would want to do what it takes to make our combined dreams come together, no different than what my parents did way back then… And Yes…. my  dad build his first two homes himself physically with some help from family and friends. I was fortunate to have a very well paying career at that time we started and therefore could afford to do things almost the way my dad did it. I just  followed the blue print he laid out. My two sons make as much money individually as I did at different points in my career but they are having a tougher time duplicating my dad's blue print. Maybe because they want more and better things than their mother and I did, or their grand parents did. That could be due to  the current times they live in but if they put their minds to doing things the right way I’m sure they can accomplish way more than I did, they are surely smart enough. And they can always ask for advice.  

   

 

His Game, Her Rules

I never promise you a rose garden, but I really did, didn't I!.

That side eye look speaks volumes about what
she believes is  coming out of his mouth!

‘When did I make you a promise I had no intention of keeping?’ and she response with "maybe more often than I care to remember!"

If men would learn to not make promises, just to try and impress women, they would be better off. I have grown up around women that were mostly strong and self-sufficient. So I learned that women do not always need men for what they can do for themselves, these days. However, men often put themselves in touch positions, as poor negotiators, where they will start off promising to do things for women they have no intentions of keeping. Why put that added pressure one’s selves. Stick to telling her about things that are realistic. NOT fairy tales... the truth, as time goes by at a pace that you are not able to keep up with and your window of delivering is often closing faster than you expect. I've learned that if your dreams that includes the woman you try to impress,  then she might get her heart set on those dreams becoming her reality also, too. We men often don’t think about how we disappoint a woman when we tell them about trips to Paris, Rio, Amsterdam, Beijing, Hong Kong, London, Dubai etc. or the House in the suburbs or a Penthouse in a major city. These all very impressing dreams, obtainable if you have plans on HOW you will accomplish them on a timeline that will allow both of you to enjoy them. But often we get carried away. And start talking too much and hoping that she will forget when we can’t deliver. Even though she might have been initially impressed by the things you are talked about will become B.S. in time because you had not calculated all the factors that could lead up to you not being able to deliver.

Look your situation carefully, before going out on a limb. Your jobs are not as stable as it was in the beginning, so you are projecting as if all will be going as well as you thought. You may have assumed that you would get that promotion by a certain point and which would have allowed you to deliver on your promises. But things don’t always happen the way you planned. It’s OK to share your dreams with you lady but always let her know they are dreams, that have factors and conditions beyond your control. You might have been like a Tiger in your early years but being able to make the grade after a few setbacks are hard to do. Your strengths may not be what it once was, as your timeline keeps slipping. Let’s not put that added pressure on ourselves.  

Example: in talking to a young  guy, who had big dreams, of traveling to distant cities some of them I just mentioned. He took flying-lesson but never completed his certifications for becoming a commercial pilot. He thought it was going to be easy. His girlfriend pictures him taking her on these trips. But his limitations caught up with him and she was very disappointed… in him and his lack of ability to deliver. They had many arguments about the things she would remind him of, that he did not, could not deliver on. So he got sick of her nagging him about his limitations that he was a dreamer that had no intentions of delivering on any of them. She forgot about the good things he did in the beginning. He was using them as his argument when she brought up the things he did not deliver on.

Final thoughts
The following is a comprehensive study, approved by the top scientists in the country:

Everything Men Know About Women
=
Zzzzzzzzzlch.

Dating or living with a woman with children, who are not yours.

I can't wait for your kids to move in with us. REALLY I can't wait?

As a man, I think that men need to select women that they can relate to on multiple levels, as to women need to select men who can be flexible. If a woman has children, that’s a very import part of her life. She comes to you as a package deal. Men who don’t want to raise another man’s children, need to leave these women alone. Don’t chase her don’t pursue her if you know that you will have a problem with her children and who the children’s daddy is etc.  Yeah, it is that simple! Because the damage you could do may not be reversible.   Don’t get me wrong if you are living a life where you are all about what you want, you can’t have children in your life. A woman with children will need to dedicate her important time to her children and your time with her one on one time will be minimized. Don’t try to force her to choose between you and her children. If she is the woman you want then her children should the children you also want, as part of your newly adjusted life, as part of a package.

I’ve been fortunate to have been with two women, back to back who had children the first one had 3 sons. Being a father of two sons I had no problem stepping into the role of being a stepfather figure and a bit of a mentor to her sons.

So are you ready to play some ball? The weather is just cool enough!

They really respected me. I taught her middle son to play soccer because he wanted to spend quality time with me, and her youngest son felt safest when I was around their apt… her eldest son lived mostly with his dad and his wife, so I saw him occasionally only on weekends. But for him and my sons, when they visited me for the holiday, hung out together and got along great. So we became a blended family so to speak. But the relationship didn’t last. So I moved on to a mother of two lovely girls, next. I had zero experience raising girls, at that point. But when their mother decided to move into my home, her daughters came to live us. They had their own rooms they felt at home within a short period of time. Even though I loved the girls and they liked me a lot (maybe even loved me.) I felt their Mom wanted more than I was willing to give up too soon in the relationship. She wanted me to adopt the youngest daughter, but not the eldest one if we got married. I wasn’t ready to jump the broom so soon,  after just having exited a previous relationship, and prior to that a very long term marriage. So once again this relationship didn’t work out either. I take some responsibility for that, I had unresolved issues, that I had not worked out yet. In listening to Michael Baisden in his video… It got me thinking part of what the problem for me was it’s never the women’s children, that made me pause. It was the women wanting a commitment too soon. I wanted to be the one to make the choice as to when to commit, not wanting to have multiple failed marriages.   Women need to not bum-rush a man, whom they think, they want... just because he fits what they want in a man and him being nice to her children. I still regret that neither of those two relationships went the distance because I missed the children most, after the breakups. As a dad, I miss my own sons, like crazy but they are grown men now, with their own lives and women in their lives, but we text each other also daily. I think part of my attraction was that I love children, even if they are not mine. They are a blessing that the World l need in keep rotating. So take it from a guy who has seen how easily children can become attached to you, try your best to not reject them because of your selfish needs.

Leave her alone if you are not willing to change her baby’s diapers.

In Spanish

The need for distance is felt differently by women and by men

This no longer feels “right,” he just keeps walking away from me!

we men don’t need the reassurance of the words,

we all may have felt rejection or even betrayal in a previous relationship(s),
so knowing the feeling comes back even when it 's not what it seems to be.

Women often try to turn their lives around after they have felt they were
betrayed or rejected (a breakup has a lasting effect on women.)  
She may have had a relationship that painted “the perfect picture…”
a romance that had her thinking she had found a “perfect match!”
But then it took a devastating turn, she will have to find major strength to recover,
from a new chain of events. A woman must fight to escape a
new dangerous web of secrets (her secrets, his secrets) to start fresh again.
Can she keep her dark moments in her past hidden while opening up her heart again?
Find a  new combustible blend of romance, intrigue, and suspense that will
“boggle her mind right up until the bombshell climax erupts of new love is expressed to her’

It may be her second or third chance at love but she needs to decipher if it’s a tale of lust ---
filled with illicit temptations, or just a crush or real true love….
she needs to know before she will give a new love possibility, a shot.
She can’t just throw caution to the wind and jump into a relationship.

Men, on the other hand, have a rubber band instincts even though

”Trust Me, I’m different” coming from a new love interest, will have him thinking .

Both men and women Doubt their partner’s love sometimes

Without a full understanding of the many cycles in relationships,
it is easy to see how men and women begin to doubt their partners love for them.
Without seeing how a woman can inadvertently prevent men from finding
their passion in life, (by asking/telling the man to behave the way she expects him to)  
they often simply assume that their man will be the same all the time as when
he was “chasing her.” SMDH the chase is a challenge, but establishing a

new relationship brings an altogether new set of challenges. Feeling a continuous strong need for her presence, can and will overwhelm a man at times.
She wants him to have eyes for her only.
But when he needs to pull back she misinterprets his behavior as he is now interested in someone else not just something else that may have nothing to do with her or another woman.
Men can have a one-track mind at times, but it's not always on what you are thinking.
Something else could be many different things, a job situation going well or not going well,
a desire to have a new set of challenges, a need for a few new sets of buddies to hang out with.
Ladies, it’s not always about “sex” and chasing a new female.
This is how women misinterpret men’s behaviors.
To a certain extent, a man loses himself through connecting with his partner.

What does that mean?

Men may just need “some space” or “need to be alone, to collect their thoughts and understand

their true feelings for a period of time” regardless of how it is described when a man retreats,
he is fulfilling a valid need to take care of himself for a while.
Just like we do not decide to be hungry, a man does not decide to retreat.
It is an instinctual urge. Men can only get so close, and then he begins to lose himself.
At that point, he begins to feel his need for autonomy and begins his retreat for better positioning.

OK, so why do men pull away when women want to get close?

For many women, a man tends to pull away precisely at the time when she wants to
talk and be intimate. This occurs for two reasons:
A woman will unconsciously sense when a man is pulling away and precisely at those times she will attempt to establish their intimate connections and say

the Magic words “Let’s talk”. Hmmm! he hears this and he continues to pull away,

she mistakenly concludes that he doesn’t want her,  that he does not care for her, “woman!”,

he just does not want to talk.”

When women open up and share deeper and more intimate feelings it may actually trigger a

man’s need to retreat, and distance himself from her.

A man can only handle so much intimacy before his alarm bell goes off,

saying to himself it is time to find balance by retreating for better positioning.

At the most intimate moment, a man may suddenly automatically

switch to his  reverse gear to feeling his need for autonomy.

I Try!

So are you Overqualified or undervalued

What is he seeing when he looks at me in this pose?  

Are the tattoos on my Achilles heel

and my (chip) on my shoulder visible enough to draw his attention?

Let’s think about what is happening by having a mindset like this for a minute. Good enough vs overqualified.

Your Value, as a woman is being  determined by someone else, compensation determined by someone who may or may not value you or what you bring to the table.

Women have been evaluated for centuries as serving a purpose…  this is the 21st century, many are still stuck in this mindset--- that their value is only good enough based on someone else's evaluations. She is over qualified only if someone decide she is too high maintenance, and they don’t want to compensate her for ---- what attributes she brings to the position. This is not about assets and liabilities -Accounting 101. Women are not commodities. In my view I see women differently, now that I have mature a little bit.  

I feel that women often hear these words and have put themselves in categories, where they start out by putting themselves down a few notches..

• Is she pretty enough
• Is she curvy enough.
• Is she tall enough
• Is she too tall
• Is she the right weight
• Does she do things that other may not do?
• Is she qualified in using spell check?
• How well does she measure up to someone else's standards?

Women are constantly judging themselves based on what others think.  A man on the other hand things in terms of the value we bring to the table, as if we have assets external to our personal beings. Enough cash flow, a large enough home, a nice enough car. What kind of position we have in terms of jobs or the career path we have chosen.

Well OK, men also have issues---- but, a man can change his position in life pretty quickly. Where as a woman may start off doing well, having done well academically, and meeting the criteria that a new employer has set. Attracting a new boyfriend, who has decided that she has the attributes--- He wants in a woman.  I’ve taken some time to read a few e-books written by women. And I'm SMDH, I thought I would learn something new by reading what modern female authors write. I wanted some more insight into what women see as value, in their eyes. But it’s the same old same old. Women authors describe the female characters the same way men evaluate women. They are Subjects who need  to meeting the male labeling of who is beautiful and who fits well in/on the man’s arms. I’ve become totally disillusioned that women may read these stories and I believe many young women do. And then fall into the same mindsets that this is always the way it should be, and they are powerless to change it. You, ladies, have the power to change things.

I hope someone reads this and thinks for a minute that women are the only ones who can change this.   If this continues to the normal your progress, you have made, thus far will stall, ladies.

Stand on your OWN evaluations and calculations

I'm Recognizing her strengths on mother’s day!

The strengths that she demonstrates is the direct result of her struggles.

“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.” ~unknown

I admire you for strength and style! And this red dress makes you also HOT!

In the current World that women live in  they have no choice but to be stronger than they even thought  they should have to be. Why do I say this on Mother's day. Mothers have always had to be strong  to be able to take care of their offspring, with or without help. Some mother’s have had to deal with adversities that have forces them to be strong and determined to succeed. If she does not rise  to the challenges she will not just fail herself but also fail to show the next generation how to be strong, in the face of adversities. The Brilliant women in businesses these days do not just have to be able to run a department or even a company and make it successful but also run a household and keep it from falling apart.  Some women have the luxury of being able to hire help that will take care of the things most mothers who don’t have the luxury of hiring help have to do themselves. Isn’t it amazing that a working domestic has to raise the children of the affluent women they work for, and raise their own children also. Note: Women of color have had to do this for centuries with great success, and never received much praise for all that they did, and still do. Women these days want to be  known for their academic successes and  business brilliance  but not so much for their motherly love of  raising their own children. Some may even decide not to have offspring… somehow seeing it as  being stuck in a weaker roll (maybe like their mothers and grandmothers) than the woman who manages to become a CEO or partner in  business firm. However these who rise in these ranks may have their own struggles, and may even wonder about their choices, maybe some still wish they had children, or if they still have the window of opportunity to become mothers.

This makes some of us men wonder why is it that we have made women have to choose between being more like men and less like the women who raised us. Don’t get me wrong I have always admired women who were progressive and determined to succeed in the business world. Dating back to my great-grandmother (my grand father's mother) who was a business woman in the mid 1800. Her genes carried forward as Members of my family have done just that, even those who did know anything about her. Which explains my admiration for strong determined career women. I grew up watching trend-setters in my family.  But also learn a lot from the woman who sacrifice so much to bring me into this World. My mother may she RIP, never gave up on have a child. She was determined to have me. She had one miscarriage and one still born before she successfully gave birth to me. I’m so grateful for her strength and determination. I get a bit choked up, as I’m writing this blog post.

The support my mom received  from my grandmother and my aunts  was the key to her not giving up. I know this because as I grew up being loved by my aunts, my moms older sister  and her very close younger sister, who had 3 daughters of her own, but no sons, she even tried to fool people that I was her son. Which spoke volumes to how much love I received from day one.   My own experience as a father was no picnic either my first born son was a premature birth. Scared me that I might not even have him in my life if things had not gone just right, him and I have the best father son relationship. I was determined that I will have at least 2 children not that I was scared that one was not going to be enough. MY ego was never about having an army of offspring.

But I want to make sure that my sons would have each other, for support, being an only child is not all that great I know this from experience.  So, I talked my now ex-wife into trying to have a second child, we were blessed with our 2nd son. I want a Recognizing her strengths on mother’s day also. But she was determined not to have anymore, and since I had agreed that she  could wait almost 5 years before we tried to have a second child, I didn’t have a leg to stand on, to go back and try to talk her into have a 3rd baby. Did I feel cheated “NO” because I was so grateful  to have my two offspring ( I love them both unconditionally) they had the same DNA, so I didn’t feel the need to try and force her to have a 3rd child just so I could have hopefully a daughter. Over the years I have wondered how things would have been different had the strong women in my life not influence me to see things the way I see them now.

My admiration To all  you mothers