There is hope, ladies. Dont give up! It's that time a year.. love is in the air.

Fellahs if you are out hunting.... look very carefully at which finger she is wearing the ring on.

If You Spot A Woman Wearing A Ring On Her Pinky Finger, This Is What It Means....

Everywhere she turns, her friends are getting engaged.

She sits there staring as her best friend shows off her sparkly new diamond, excited about the forever love she has found.
She starts to think about her own life. When will she find the one, love of her life?  Or will he find  her? How will he propose? Who will her bridesmaids be?

What will her ring look like?

But wait a minute! Who says women need to wait for some other person to give them a ring?

Engagement rings are wonderful, but they shouldn’t be the epitome of a woman's  worthiness of love.

Well, get ready, because you’re about to see a ring made just for you, bearing an incredibly important message.

OKAY, I'll stop here with the internet commercial on self-love, identified by placing a ring on your own finger.
Im all for self-love and the usage of a ring specially made for you and every other woman like you....might be just what your doctor ordered.

By Now, You’ve Probably Admired at least One Or Two Of Your Besties’ Engagement Rings.

Big, shiny rocks they are so excited to show to their closest friends.

And you’re over their excitement.
Which means you are a little bit jealous  that a partner has entered into your friends life and has comitted to her happiness0

But Listen, You Don’t Need An Engagement Ring To Validate Your Worthiness Of Love In Any Way, Shape Or  form.


Mastering The Art Of Truly Loving yourselves, Independent Of A Partner’s Love, Is One Of The Most Important Life Goals.

It needs to be celebrated!

And Now, Women Everywhere Are Celebrating Their Awesome Selves With A Very Special Symbol.

A ring… Wow, self-love, is now showing a commitment by placing  a self bought ring on your own finger.


I Know, I Know. I just said You Don’t Need An Engagement Ring To Feel Loved. But This One Is Different.

This one is from you and for you. And it’s no consolation prize. It’s a statement.
This statement can have a reverse, adverse effect  on the guy you are looking  to attract. He might not really think the bling is about self- love he might be an honorable guy who respects that you seem to be  in a committed relationship with a someone other than yourself.

They’re called “Self Love Pinky Rings,” for a reason, created by Fred and Far, an L.A.-based jeweler. Hummmmm.
LOL, Fred and Far sound like two dudes who have a new marketing scene targeting women.... If they are two women then I would have to write another blog post identifying their motives.  But its clear as day light to me... they are capitalize on the holiday buying frenzy

To buy!

Each Ring Comes With A Contract.

“I [insert name], pinky promise to honour myself, to choose myself, to remember myself, on a daily basis.”

You write your name on the card as an official agreement that, from this day on, you are going to love and appreciate yourself unconditionally.


Seriously, Could These Rings Be Any More of play on women's minds?


They claim that Women all over the world are getting in on this trend!

The rings are made from white sapphire and come in either sterling silver ($150), or, yellow, white or rose gold ($325).

OK, now let me continue explaining why this can give men the wrong inpression.
Every honorable man wants a self-loving, self-motivated woman, but he also respects women in committed relationships, i.e. engaged, committed partnership, or married to someone else. So he will see the  fake engagenent ring on a finger from across the room, across the mall, across  in another supermarket isle... i.e. from a distance and think "Damn she is already taken... no need to knock on her door.... Next, available!"
So your girl friend has her forever after love partner, and you will delay yours by  doing what these two marketing dudes, Fred and Far, are suggesting! Think about how many good men will see you and think 'she's not available!' I.e. this is Just posting "Married" in your FB status. To fend off creeps. The creeps don't care, but honorable men do!

Lets face it what she wants is for you to behave the way she wants!

Some Husbands Stress Women More Than Children.


Many women constantly complain about their husband’s behavior. Why is that? Why are there so many failed marriages and constant arguing?

Well, according to studies, most women don’t simply gossip about their husbands but are really stressed out by them. So they "Vent." Even though it is a popular belief to blame the stress on the children, in reality, the tension comes from the husband, not doing what the wife wants.

Of course, for this kind of outcome, the husband is not the only guilty one. On the contrary, this means that the couple doesn’t solve their problems together, as they should. Instead, they complicate their relationship and make the marriage stressful more each day.

Well, here are,  my version, for the reason for this problem and how maybe you can fix it.

Lack of Support

The most crucial thing in a marriage is the need for support. If one partner doesn’t support the other one, the parenting won’t function properly. As a result, the couple will have a difficulty properly bringing up, training, and teaching their child.

In the past, the full responsibility and the weight of raising the child fell on the mother. But, as surveys claim, husbands caused more stress for women compared to their children. Around 45% of mothers support these claims.

Why Does It Happen?

Well, when a woman chooses her partner (,here we go women choose their husbands not the other way around) and plans to form a family, they rarely ask their husbands if they are ready to put everything aside and contribute to their children. Women believe that it will somehow work out, like magic.

However, most husbands focus on their ideas and things they want to do, so they leave the work of raising a child to their wife. If you look at this problem from this perspective, the answer is obvious. It would be a surprise if this didn’t happen, that way.

Of course, there are exceptions. But, most of the time, women claim that they lack support from their husbands for raising the children. Men, on the other hand, defended themselves by claiming that the problem lies in the fact that women don’t ask for help....I can hear women think why should we ask for help, they are yours

Therefore, men believe that their wife has everything under control. However, women want men to be the ones who won’t need a reminder to take care of their child. They claim that men shouldn’t wait to be called. Instead, they should come and help willingly.

In conclusion, there is lack of proper communication and a lot of misunderstandings from both sides.

Husbands Demand Recognition

According to another survey, 1,500 fathers interviewed claimed that they took care of their children together with their wives. However, 75% of 2,700 mothers interviewed, claim that they raised their child on their own.

Furthermore, other fathers believe they were wounded for having a secondary role in the family. As a result, they want to be recognized by their wife for what they have done for the family. However, their wife never gives them any encouragement or recognition.

In conclusion, once again, lack of communication. Also, some women have set their expectations too high and believe that what they are doing is right and the husband is wrong. But, that is not true. Both parents equally love their children and take care of them.

How to Solve This Problem?

Counseling can be very helpful. However, if you don’t want to spend time and want to solve this problem by yourselves, here is something that might help you.

1. Communicate

Communication is the key. Whenever you feel there is something wrong with your partner, try to talk things through. But, don’t jump to conclusions before he or she finishes their side of the story. Instead, listen, and try to find a solution to the problem without judging each other.

If you don’t talk, you will never know what the problem is, and you will never face it. So, be the one who will take the first step, and try to communicate.

2. Let the Husband Contribute
Let the husband take some of the load off your shoulders. Being a mother is harder these days, with both working outside the house.

Figure out what will give the best result, and...... just do it. If you do not it could lead to  Divorce court, which will grant her what she wants anyway..

What is her best memory of you

We men would like to believe that we are not forgotten by the woman who claimed she once loved us. We would love to be remembered fondly.....forever.
The questions we should ask, while thinking about it... how does her memory really work in her brain? Memories are personal, even when they are about other folks. If we think about a person with fond/ bad memories then each time we go to that emotional moment we relive it... if it was good or bad. The feeling returns, but for  another person it's different. Their emotional recall of the same events  may have been totally different to yours.
So both of  you remembers the night you spent in a passionate event between the sheets... the estacy she experienced ( your thoughts) or the frustrations of a non-climactic event (her recall). Maybe she lied to make you feel like she had an experience of a few wonderful rounds with a Mandingo Superhero (smirking). If she tells you she does not remember all the things you did to her, all she can remember is how you made her feel...don't push it... by asking specifics..it could have been a really good feeling that she experienced or a few BAD ones.....



This is Why we should  Embrace The Power of Thinking Differently?

As long as we are willing, we may each learn from those around us. The eye opening lessons come from those who, in particular,  who think differently from us.
Steve Jobs said it best, “think different.”

Big picture over all vision vs. detail.

The two thought processes are diametrically opposed.
If you're meeting with a lady for the first time, agressive actions results in believes that by putting the details in place first, one has a defined process for moving forward with a relationship 
However, the problem with getting too caught up in details upfront, about the future will cause added anguish, if they are not her feelings also. In turn, this may slow down the progress. By the end of the meeting, she may actually feel  in a state of overwhelm for what lies ahead.

The  mindset of take calculated risks, is not possible for every person. On one hand you might be willing to take the risk. But she might not. Remember men are like microwaves and women are slow cookers.

On the other end, by looking at the largest vision imaginable, and then working backward, to put milestones  in place, you quickly recognize highly motivating reasons to advance forward.

The trade-off is that some details may be missing. But should you be willing to learn from trial and error, and thoughtful  experimentation, the details will soon become apparent. It is the motivated persistence that leads to a successful outcome. She will want you to pursue her.. before she ropes you and ties you down.

Black and white thinking vs.  Creatve.
we're expected to speak at length on a particular topic. On one hand be romantic, and on the other have  questions on your mind, and have answers to her questions. If  you take the time to answer the specific questions she ask... you might just progress. Her idea is to satisfy the needs to her agenda. Once the questions are answered, she might relax to the topic at hand. The one were a second date might be possible.

But if you screw up she will express outrage because you strayed off-topic. In her mind it was agreed that the answers provided would encourage her to return the next time.

Your story
Doing things like everyone else will only produce average results. The question becomes, is your desire to be average? Should the answer be “no”, then take time to examine how you currently perform.

Do you intuitively move forward in spite of what others say?
Is there a larger vision in mind toward which you are working?
As you become opinionated on how to proceed, and follow your gut, you begin to build a well-defined personal brand. By sticking to what you believe to be right for you, and in all you do, others will know they can count on you. Witnessing you move steadily towards your vision, serves to inspire others, she might be impressed.

Things I often think about during holidays!

How does your upbringing influence you behavior in relationships?

The fact that I was an only child contributed to my infatuation with  special days, as my mom would give me a few gifts for my b'day as a kid  and my birthday cards from were left standing up on the piano until Easter cards started to arrive in the mail.

 I can't change the world, but
I can contribute in some small way!

Here I am in my mid-life years and I still remember being excited when holidays rolled around. However, my relationships   over the last few decades didn’t share in my excitement, so now I just mostly stick to my memories, and not try to change any ones habits . While I’m only slightly disappointed  that folks elation weren’t on the same level as mine, I have always been more bewildered by the idea that they didn’t share the same interest in birthdays/ aniversaries, holidays etc.
I guess since I was my Mom's miracle baby at the age of 44....she never gave up on having a child... made me a special gift that she celebrated along with me. It's not to be expected that other folks would have the same type of feelings.

After a few years of much observation, I finally realized that attitudes and lack of action weren’t their own doing. Some families don’t acknowledge birthdays and holidays the way other family do. The way they observe special days isn’t wrong of course, but rather it’s just different.
During premarital counseling, our pastor had us discuss our formative years, our relationship with our parents during that time, and our feelings toward various life- altering events. he asked us to list our favorite memories and our painful ones too, as well as explaining how close our respective family units were.
Those sessions didn’t fully resonate with me until our marriage. As it continued, I was able to connect the dots to both my now ex-wife's and my own behaviors, and how such behaviors line up with that of our families. What I’ve realized is that it’s hard to deviate from what you’re familiar with or what a person believes based on their upbringing. In fact, what a person brings into their marriage is heavily influenced by their familial experiences.

In a psychologist  article, “Look Back on Your Childhood: The Better Marriage Project Par,” she writes, “Some people repeat mainly their interactions with one of their parents in their adult-to-adult marriage relationship. Others repeat elements of their patterns with both.”

Our difference in opinion on trivial things like the necessity of thank-you notes, parking in or out of the garage, and even how and what to cook  are all based on how we were raised. But what happens when a person’s childhood includes a strained relationship with their parents or negative experiences that they’ve held on to for so long?

Relationship coach Jordan Gray lists specific childhood issues that can pop up in a relationship, including fear of loss or rejection, fear of being unlovable, the habit of people-pleasing, being overly reliant on others, and inflexible and unrealistic expectations. In order to help combat any baggage from your youth that is ultimately brought into a relationship, Gray suggests you “Understand that everything your parents did for you they did from one of two places: their love for you, or their unconscious patterns that their parents put into them.”

Of course, seeking a third party like a licensed psychologist can help you dig deeper into your past and figure out how and why things are manifesting themselves in your relationships and family life.

Learning more about why I acted the way I did in my marriage or why I have particular expectations and standards has greatly helped the communication in relationships. The Maya Angelou quote,“You can’t really know where you are going until you know where you have been” likely wasn’t about marriage, but I find myself greatly relating to it these days.
 I hadn’t been married that long, when I  realized   how my dissecting our past   could continue to be a benefit to the future of my relationships.  As a Systems  Analyst, I know communication is one of the hardest things for folks to master, but being open and honest about your familial relationships and encounters can positively affect your futures together.

Smart is the new very sexy

My  5 B.A.D. reasons, why smart is the very sexy.

In 2013, as Ashton Kutcher accepted his Teen Choice Award, he left his screaming audience with words resonating with wisdom - "The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous. Everything else is crap!"

We men have been defining what is sexy for decades. However men are visual beings..what we see is what we label. We can not see what a woman is thinking.. that mistory is still a missed-story. This is why I label smart women as very sexy. The unknown can be very intriguing....at least to me.

While smart is mostly self-explanatory, intellectual and "nerdy" kind of smarts may seem to deviate from our general definition of what can be considered "sexy".

So why do I think that smart women are the VERY sexy?

1. They want to really understand you.
 if she engages you in a conversation
She is making an effort to learn more about you.

In contrast to Judgemental woman, who begrudge others based on a simple assumptions or first impressions, never once stopping to consider if they're being fair or not People can change, but their judgements of the person remain eternal.
Smart people make a conscious effort to understand others, to see them for who they really are. These people understand that no one is perfect, and know that beneath every facade lies an individual worth understanding. This is very good news for us guys, who, can now be chosen by a woman worthy of a good man. The old scene was the guy did the choosing, based on looks... seldom considering if the woman was as smart or smarter than him. The Obama couple changed that for many of us. The President never had to  explain to us why Michelle was  his equal in the area of smarts. They worked together before becoming a dynamic couple.

Smart is also FINE!

2. They captivate you with their presence.
Smart women may be some of the most interesting people you meet.

In one way or another, these women seem to have this " je ne sais quoi" about them that's extremely infectious. They never fail to excite or inspire the world with their ideas. When

the world was content with Friendster or MySpace, Mark Zuckerberg dreamt up Facebook, revolutionising the way people connected with one another. But his company didn't dominant until Susan Standberg became his COO. Her "Lean In" style of engaging you into a conversation has made us take notice.

Lean IN

Contrary to popular opinion, smart women are not boring. In fact, they might just be the most interesting women you will ever meet!

3. They often make better conversation partners.
Even if smart women might not know much about a certain subject, they'll ask interesting questions.

Smart women are often well read and can easily adapt to most conversational topics. Even without prior knowledge, they're able to probe and ask interesting questions that engage and excite. With them, you're free to be honest, not having to worry about patronising responses. Your words are actually valued.

4. They make you more curious about the world.
The desire to know will spread to people who know smart people.

Einstein once said, "I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious." Indeed, one of the fundamental bedrocks of intelligence is curiosity. After spending a certain amount of time with these people, you realise how little you know and how much there is to know. With them around, you end up re-living a younger version of yourself, the one that always just wanted to know more about everything.


5. Smart women challenge us  to become better versions of ourself.

As smart women try to improve themselves, they also drive the people around them to get smarter as well.

Perhaps one of the sexiest things about smart women is that, on their way to self-improvement, the people around them grow as well. While their intelligence can sometimes be intimidating, you should see it as a source of Energy that prompts you to improve and become a better version of your current self.

Smart women are sexy. And more importantly, they help me to become sexy B.A.D. also.

I prefer wealthy men and smart women combinations

I remember reading parts of the following article years ago....I believe there was enough truth in this article so I searched Google and found it.
Even though I agree that wealth is attractive, and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. My experiences with Smart women has brought me to conclude that smart is the current attractive qaulity for both genders.... while being political correct. Women do not often see smart men as attractive, men with wealth may need to rethink the women mythe... and should look for smart women to team up with. Who will help him....make wise choices!

There is an old Myth about Wealthy Men and Beautiful Women

Similarity and companionship are the currency of attraction, for better or worse.




In one illustrious study of love (“human sexual selection”) in 1986, psychologists David Buss and Michael Barnes asked people to rank 76 characteristics: What do you value most in a potential mate?

The winner wasn’t beauty, and it wasn’t wealth. Number one was "kind and understanding," followed by "exciting personality" and then "intelligent." Men did say they valued appearances more highly than women did, and women said they valued "good earning capacity" more highly than men did—but neither ranked measures of physical attractiveness or socioeconomic status among their top considerations.

People, though, are liars. Experiments that don’t rely on self-reporting regularly show that physical attractiveness is exquisitely, at times incomparably, important to both men and women. Status (however you want to measure it: income, formal education, et cetera) is often not far behind. In real-life dating studies, which get closer to genuine intentions, physical attractiveness and earning potential strongly predict romantic attraction.

While people tend to prefer people similar to themselves in terms of traits like religiousness or thriftiness, when it comes to beauty and income, more is almost always seen as better. On these “consensually-ranked” traits, people seem to aspire to partners who rank more highly than themselves. They don’t want a match so much as a jackpot.

The stereotypical example of that is known in sociology as a “beauty-status exchange”—an attractive person marries a wealthy or otherwise powerful person, and both win. It’s the classic story of an elderly polymath-billionaire who has sustained damning burns to the face who marries a swimsuit model who can’t find Paris on a map but really wants to go there, because it’s romantic.

All you need is money or power, the notion goes, and beautiful lovers present themselves to you for the taking.

"Being nice is not really buying you any currency in the attractiveness realm."

When Homer Simpson once came into a 500-pound surfeit of sugar, his id instinct was to turn it into fortune and sexual prosperity. “In America," he said, half dreaming after a night spent guarding the mound in his backyard, "first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.” That’s an homage to Scarface(in the movie the quote was “money” instead of “sugar”), and it’s where both Simpson and Tony Montana went emphatically astray.

University of Notre Dame sociologist Elizabeth McClintock has done exhaustive research on the idea of people exchanging traits. Her work was published last month in American Sociological Review, looking at data from 1,507 couples in various stages of relationships, including dating, cohabiting, and married. “Beauty-status exchange accords with the popular conception of romantic partner selection as a competitive market process,” McClintock wrote, “a conception widely accepted in both popular culture and academia.” She referred specifically to the gendered version, “in which an economically successful man partners with a beautiful 'trophy wife,'" as commonplace.

But McClintock found that outside of ailing tycoons and Donald Trump, in the practical world it basically doesn’t exist. Where it does, it doesn’t last. The dominant force in mating is matching.


What appears to be an exchange of beauty for socioeconomic status is often actually not an exchange, McClintock wrote, but a series of matched virtues. Economically successful women partner with economically successful men, and physically attractive women partner with physically attractive men.

“Sometimes you hear that really nice guys get hot girls,” McClintock told me, “[but] I found that really nice guys get really nice girls. [Being nice] is not really buying you any currency in the attractiveness.

Never Fish the wrong way!

Why do we keep  trying to catch fish that are swimming up stream with a rod and real... wouldn't it be smarter to use a net. Fish swimming up stream have no time to stop for a bight.....they are fighting to get where they want to go. The same logic should apply to looking for "Ms. Right"... who is busy climbing the corporate ladder.

 You can't catch her attention doing the things you would with women you meet in clubs weekend  after weekend. Smart hard working women are busy, they seldom slow down to notice the same old pickup lines. ... "Hey baby do you come  here often?"  she will respond with, " are you an executive in your corporation?", shooting you down instantly.... rod and reals do not work on these women.... and neither does a net.... she is doing stuff you would need a university degree to  understand.  OK THIS IS NOT A PUT DOWN, fellahs.

This a cry for you guys to UP your professional skills not your street game.
Many moons ago when I was attending  NYIT.... I dated a young lady who  got angry when I told her I was not going to go clubbing with her, because I had to study for my exams. She dropped me, even though I thought I was hot and was going places.......and my ariguence was     ' go and see if you will do better in a club filled with looser and huslers' well I graduated with a BS in computer science degree.. and promtly left NY  for Chicago and never looked back... not sure if she even finished college... sorry for her if she didn't.  so I can relate to the attitude of women who dont want to waste time with guys who are clueless. These days I see young women who are  graduating in record numbers... and just a few guys are also... so do you think you... with a GED will catch and hold her attention? Not likely! Get it back in balance women need men and men need women as equal patners. The next few generations will inherit what the BABYBOOMER have built... it's time that you understand that the World's  economy depends on you. Your dads and moms did their part. Now women are stepping UP their career paths and fellas they are leaving you, slackers, on the dusty roads of nothing doers.



Heed my warning, "Nothing from nothing grants NOTHING."

Why do women need men, primarily during Christmas Holidays

The Holidays are right around the corner
and my wish list only has one (1)  item on it!

It's the Holiday season and you don't have a man sharing your home...

Here are some very good reasons why a woman really DOES need a man for the Christmas  holidays ! The list by Jane Gordon, who was on her own for the first time in 30 years, is irreverent,  and poignant.


I read an article about 3 years ago where a lady named Jane once believed "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" But living on her own had changed her mind. By living alone she found plenty of reasons why life is better with a man in the house 

Lonely every Christmas: Jane  realised she did want/needed a man

Like millions of young women today there are  times when she was convinced that there was nothing a man could do that she  couldn't do better. She said.

She even had a framed cartoon of Irina Dunn's famous feminist phrase, 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle', hanging on her study wall.

She said: "I might still hold such sexist views if, for the first time in 30 years, I hadn't had to face the reality of living without a man."

But I was wrong. Six months after moving — alone — into an idyllic apt, I am slowly coming to realise that there are, in fact, plenty of things I need a man for. And no, not that.

So, with apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, let me count the ways that this woman needs a man.

Jane's list of her reasons for needing a man:
1) To zip — and unzip — tricky party dresses for the Holiday gatherings.

2) It is a cliche for women to say that all their husbands are good for is 'putting out the rubbish' - but they've got a point. The combination of wheelie bins and fortnightly collections means I need a man to push my monstrous bin down the path to the road.

3) I have yet to hang a picture in my home. I need a man who can work an electric drill and knows what a rawlplug is.

4) I desperately need a man to hog my remote control and stop me rotting my brain on reality drivel such as The Real Housewives Of New Jersey, Ladies Of London and Made In Chelsea.

5) I need a man to tell me what I want to hear when I ask him, 'do I look good in this?' Even when I know that the answer — 'gorgeous' — is a total lie.

6) I need a man to change the halogen lights in my bathroom where I have been showering by torchlight for four weeks.

7) You tell me how a 5ft 5in  woman is meant to lug a 6ft Christmas tree home, stand the damn thing up and then put a star on top? I need a man for Christmas (but not necessarily for life).

8) It turns out I am the one who makes all the mess, loses the keys and the mobile phone charger. I need a man to blame.


9) I need a man to scratch that hard-to-reach itchy spot in the middle of my back, and maybe massage the shoulders after.

10) I need a man to watch horror films with me and say (in the way I used to resent): 'Why are you frightened? This rubbish is about as scary as Scooby Doo.'

11) For walking the dog — in the rain.

12) For picking up dog poo — in any weather.

13) I need a man to explain to me what goes in the green recycling wheelie, what can go in the grey general waste wheelie, and what to put in the small kerbside food- waste caddy.

14) It's always my turn to drive now. I need a man to share the allocated driving duties.

15) Likewise, it's always me who has to fill up the car with gas.

16) I need a man to force me to open those nasty brown envelopes and fill in my tax return.

17) I have spent the past few nights making bacon butties and brewing tea and coffee  for my houseful of remodeling  builders. I need a man to say: 'Try the cafe up the road', because I am too frightened to refuse them.

Helping hand needed: Changing a light bulb is easily done - if you are tall enough to reach, but if you are not... a strong back to hoist  you into position... would be very nice.

The list does not  end there.... so Ladies ask Santa to drop a 6'1" handsome  handyman type down the chimney at your address this holiday season...so that you will not be like Jane for the holidays.

The Challenges Of Being A Real Man.

By Michael Baisden

My responsibility as a man is to bring my resources to the table — intellectual, financial, life experience and challenge my partner to do the same. At some point, we will have a difference of opinion on a number of issues, but it is through those differences that we challenge one another to grow! As a man, it’s not about being in charge or being right, it’s about making my partner feel secure and challenging her to see the world through the eyes and mind of her man.

The challenge for us men is to gain more knowledge and insight through reading, traveling and listening, to broaden our perspective so that an intelligent woman will respect our point of view enough to listen to what we have to say. We can’t beat our chests and raise our voices believing this is the way to lead. We must lead by our example and strength of character. Only an insecure man would expect a woman to submit to his way of thinking when he hasn’t accomplished anything with those thoughts. And only a woman who is a fool would follow a man who talks a good game but doesn’t have anything to show for it. As I said earlier, most women don’t need a man, but they definitely want a good one …

If I may just add my B.A.D. two cents to the Michael Baisden version.
Here are a few points.

 What can we build together?
We have to realize that Empires are not built by one man or woman.  Team works is a requirement to build any structure. Kingdoms are not about just  the King or Queen. When folks understand that togetherness is the only way forward.
Then  and only then will we progress personally and as couples and  a community.. tribe or whichever label you like.. therefore we will prosper together..

Ladies, Good men are still needed!

No man (or woman) is an island.

A recent episode of The Walking Dead featured a community comprised entirely of women, and I found myself having an interesting (and unexpected) reaction to it: I recoiled.

Upon further reflection, I had to admit to myself that the idea of living in a society without women was abhorrent to me. And if forced to choose between the company of only men or the company of only women…well, the zombie apocalypse hasn’t happened yet, so I need not upset anyone with my conclusions on this theoretical subject.

Pondering all of this, I had to acknowledge a double standard I had never considered before…while we generally embrace the concept that men need the support and influence of women to be their best selves, it has become “politically incorrect” to admit that women need men.   I wasnt raised in the  heart of Generation X, the first generation of women who were unequivocally taught that they are each the captain of our own ship and have
 NO. NEED. FOR. MEN. For anything except perhaps a genetic donation, if motherhood is her bag.

Which it totally, 100% need not be. If you are thinking " I am woman, hear me roar."

Both of my grandmothers as was my mother and aunts, were working women in spite of the fact that they were born in the first few decades of the 20th century and enjoyed 30 - 40+ year marriages to traditional (and successful) “hunter-gatherers”. My own Mother, who did not  go to college , but went on to work as hair a stylist in business with my aunt. Neither she nor my Dad ever told me that marriage should be a “goal”, their own very happy and productive simple life together notwithstanding.

I was raised by and around women warriors. Ahead of the curve, before their time and every single one of them demonstrated and taught self-sufficiency; I identify myself as an understander of feminist beliefs  So how can I still believe that women NEED men? Simple I'm a man, so I know I need women, and hope they in turn need men.

As I have been blessed, in my lifetime, with many varied and rich friendships and relationships with women, I know for a fact that when I turn to a male friend—, married or single and of every other religious creed —I am stricly looking for a “male” perspective. My relationships with women are entirely different, and contrary to popular female opinion, not at all mainly sexual.

There are some key differences to the way men and women relate to each other that I have never duplicated in my same-sex friendships.

I think the transgender community has opened up a dialogue about the masculine and feminine as a core essential truth and not something to be imposed by society or even our physical bodies.  As we are allowed to hold to our essential truth of what it means to each of us to be a man or a woman, we embrace the ancient theory of yin and yang, the idea that seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary and interdependent. The fact that there are human beings who are born with male or female physical characteristics who self-identify as the other sex provide us with perhaps our greatest proof that gender is not interchangeable but instead a unique viewpoint and way of being in the world.


Generally speaking, there ARE opposing characteristics in evidence that DO provide a wonderful, symbiotic balance. Just as us men need the influence of women to bring out the best in them, women need men to become fully realized. It is the differences in our natures that interplay to create a thriving human race. When we deny each other, we deny ourselves.

There are some stereotypes about the way men relate and the way that women relate that naturally do not and cannot apply to every single member of the sex, but that do have some demonstrable value. Anecdotally, there are some  ways in which friendship with a male may be considered “inferior” to friendship with a woman. I might write another blog on that subject.

Do you really know what I want?

 Things Men Really want from their Women



DATING ADVICE FOR WOMEN, from a male perspective.


What does a man really need from a woman he’s dating? It’s not an easy question. In fact, answering such a question requires a thorough understanding of male psychology, human psychology, love, behavioral patterns… the list could go on and on.

“What men want in women and from women is getting more complex by the minute,” said an expert in Psychology Today. “Men and their motives are evolving.”

As social norms and the way we date and view relationships change, so does what we want. This makes it more important than ever to understand what we  men really need, not just what we say we need or think we need.


True, there are some men who are good at communicating what they want. But more often than not, men are taught to stay strong, be tough in the face of sadness, and put up a false bravado when grappling with emotions. Because of this, we often don’t think to communicate about what we need in a relationship, or may not even be aware of it.

Though every man is different and the specific things that make us happy vary, there are a few fundamental things that almost every man needs from a woman he’s dating.

Here are the some of the most important needs from you when you’re in a relationship:

1. Heart
Most men (not all) aren’t always able to share their worries, fears, and frustrations with others. Because of this, we need a woman to open up to, who is kind and understanding enough to be vulnerable with. We also want to  "Let it Be!"

2. Attention
Men need women who are good listeners, because when they start talking about something personal or private they get into a type of flow. Interrupting this flow too much might cause a man to shut down. Instead, when a man is opening up about something, offer him feedback if he asks or seems receptive, but for the most part just let him express himself.

Give him the space to be vulnerable by making an effort to be in a good emotional state yourself. If you’re falling apart or always on an emotional roller coaster, he won’t feel comfortable discussing his issues with you. By being there for him when he’s ready to talk and giving him your full attention, you’ll bring a refreshing sense of peace and serenity to his life. I know, it sounds kind of airy-fairy and spiritual but it’s true!

Just to be clear, I’m not saying you should be fake and have a giant grin on your face at all times. (That’s not going to help anyone.) My point here is that you should be a positive presence as much as you can. This makes it easier for him to open up to you.


3. Respect
Men need respect in general but in particular when it comes to dating and relationships. Most men need a woman who appreciates them for who and what they are. Look at what he’s skilled at and passionate about and be encouraging in a genuine way. Don’t pretend to feel a way you don’t just to make a man interested in you.

It’s a little old school, but some men also want to be seen as heroes in a sense. Not like he actually needs to save you, but he wouldn’t mind saving the day once in a while. That means he wants to be someone you look up to or go to for advice. Ask him questions about things you’re genuinely interested in. Ask for his input. Going to the person you care about when you’re struggling with something is part of a healthy relationship and will also make a man feel needed and wanted.

4. Freedom
Freedom in a relationship means giving a man space when he needs it, letting him go out with his male friends, encouraging his hobbies, and respecting him as an individual separate from the relationship you share. Giving a man freedom also means that he isn’t your entire life. If you define yourself by the man you’re seeing, there’s a good chance you could scare him away.

.

I trust you!

5. Trust
Tupac famously raps, “I want to take away your pain and misery but all I need is your faith in me.” Having trust and faith in a man means you think he’s a good person.

Find way's to express how Sorry you are part 3

Should I send him an email or a text?

 Write it out if you cannot say it


For all those who have difficulty in conveying your feelings in words, you can write out your apology. Not all of us can freely express what we feel. You could write out all that you have in your heart and leave the note with the person to read. You don't even necessarily have to be there when they are reading it. The point is to express how sorry you are.

 Help them in a way they want to be helped

This is one of the most important things to understand when you are in a situation where you have to apologize. It is very easy to apologize for the sake of it or for you to clear your conscience. However, a genuine apology will ensure that you are doing it purely for them and not for your own reasons.

Don't portray yourself as a victim

When you are apologizing to someone for something that you did wrong, remember not to make yourself the victim in the situation. You are apologizing to that person for something you did and it is about their feelings. Even if you feel slighted at some points or you don't necessarily agree, ask yourself if this person is worth something to you. If the answer is yes, put aside any other feelings and make sure to convey your apology.

 A warm, tight hug

Most times you don't need 'things' or materials to say or express that you are sorry. Sometimes the best apologies come in the form of a nice, tight hug where you can convey in actions that you are sorry. A hug can do wonders in reviving the lost emotions and feelings and it builds a sense of connection.

But, but, sometimes you say you are sorry but you're really  NOT Sorry at all. Pay back can be a B!tch.

I'm sorry part 2.

 Things To Keep In Mind While Saying Sorry In The Hardest Of Situations


Tips on how to say you are sorry.

Saying sorry might sound like a difficult task, but is actually a very simple action. Saying sorry is not hard but feels like it is. However, you must remember that you don't lose anything by apologizing to someone.

Here are some things you must keep in mind while apologizing to someone even if it is way  hard.

Now say "your sorry,
 like you mean it!"

 Remain as objective as possible


Don't beat around the bush when you have to apologize to someone, but remain as objective as you can be. The best apology is the most direct one and one in which you accept and take responsibility for your actions. Going off into unnecessary tangents will only make your apology seem vague.

Listen to what the other person has to say

Communication is the key and the best apology is to actually sit down and just listen to what the person has to say. The best apology can come in the form of a good listener. Take a chance and hear them out for what they have to say and it could be the best form of an apology. All people need sometimes is a good listener and a chance to say what they feel.

Resort to other methods

You could resort to unusual methods and bring out your funny side to try and lighten the mood and hopefully get them to laugh. Be yourself and when apologizing, try and appeal to the side of them that you already know. If your relationship is genuine, you could slip in some funny memories and get them to understand how much they mean to you and show them how sorry you are.

Make sure they feel loved

The important thing is to make the person feel as loved as possible. At this point, the person is probably feeling very low and unloved. A sincere apology should make them feel the love that they are currently missing and it is your job to ensure that this feeling is conveyed to them

Saying "I'm sorry" is tough but not impossible

I'm old school so I have learned a few things over years through trial and many errors. Whenever I make a woman mad at me I try to figure out what I can do to apologize  and help her get over it. Believe me I have a list that is too long for one post so I will do it in 3 parts.
The following may or may not  work  but they will show that you are trying.

 1.Take her out somewhere nice!


You could apologize by taking the person out somewhere nice or to a place of their choice. This gesture shows that you are making an effort to make them happy. This does not necessarily mean a fancy restaurant or an exotic place but you could them to a special place where you could sit down and have a conversation. Communication is key in such situations and this could be a good way to show that you are sorry.

 2.Do something they like

Apologize to her by doing something with them that they enjoy doing or something that would make them happy. Showing an interest in the other person's interests and trying to reciprocate that could make your apology work. People always feel good knowing that there is someone who is making an effort for them. So, do a little homework and find out what it is that would make them happy.

3.Give her the space she needs.




Sometimes, as hard as it may be, the best apology is giving the other person space and the time to deal with their hurt. You have to remember that they are the ones who are feeling bad about something and perhaps would like to have some space. Just because you are sorry about something does not mean that you constantly apologize to them for your satisfaction. A true apology is one in which you understand what the other person wants.
 Be genuine



Remember, the best apology is the most sincere and genuine one. It's the one that has no tricks or gimmicks involved but just a raw genuine apology to fix the damage you have caused. It doesn't mean that they will instantly forgive you but a heartfelt apology can go a long way in fixing something. The person hurt needs to believe and see that you are genuinely feeling bad for whatever you did.

He will walk away if you are not careful

Reasons Men Leave The Women They Love



Falling in love takes a lot of courage particularly for men. When a man is in love he thinks about the future suffering that can occur as a result of him opening up to his partner. Men rarely dive in fully; they usually take small steps to “test the water” in order to avoid being hurt or disappointed. They also have a hard time understanding women but for most of them the following  things are detrimental in a relationship.
Now there are many BAD reasons why men walk away...but these next few reasons, may come as a surprise if you are not careful.

1.He feels you are trying to fix him

Trying to fix a man will make him feel that his flaws are enormous and that he will never be able to be himself without being judged. This can scare him and make him leave because he feels emasculated. Albert Einstein once said “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” No person will change and no one actually needs to. Instead, you should discover your true self and grow as a person in order to become a supportive partner.

2.Being threatened by your success

The University of Florida conducted a study which discovered that men feel threatened when their female partners experience success. A man changes his views of the relationships future when a woman experiences success. This can make him feel he is not able to get what he deserves and he is likely to leave her.

3.Nagging all the time

Your male partner is able to zone out your voice at any time. However, constant nagging can become very frustrating especially if you treat him like a child. If you don’t appreciate him and you act in a passive-aggressive manner don’t be surprised if he leaves you.

4.Lack of intimacy

Men like intimacy just as much as women, but if you make him beg for it he will start looking for it in another person. If you are not prepared to be intimate with your partner don’t expect him to stand by you too long.

5.Comparing him with other men

Men are particularly annoyed when you talk about your past relationships and you compare them with your ex. They hate analyzing your past relationships and partners.

6.Emotional co-dependency

Just like every normal person, men also need their space and don’t like being treated as a possession. Men also like spending time with their friends or participating in sports or other social gatherings. If you deprive him from these pleasures he is likely to sneak out of your life forever. For men this is the equivalence of being in a prison and if he feels you are trying to gain control over his life he will leave you for sure.

Nice guys are Knights in full Armor!

You make me feel like  the luckiest
Woman in the world, I'm so very happy.

There is a consistent miss understanding in the dating circles, that "nice guys" always finish last.  To that I would say they don't finish last  because they are "nice!" they just don't run in the early races to come in first. .. they are trying  to "place " so that when the first place winner burns up all his energy winning the first race, he has no more spark to compete later in the final race. The "Nice guy", if choose as the last choice, by a lady with good taste ... "is a keeper", with enough reserved energy in his tank to do the following:

I can't believe you are willing to
untangle my hair for me

. He is ready and willing to please her.
. Spoil her
. Treat her with respect
. Compromise when he needs to.
. He is a lasting choice.

That final lap was the best, we kick A$$.

Instead of, like other contestant who will treat her as a winner's 1st place trophy prize. Women who understand that guys are competetive....may still not know, that these "nice guys" don't always run flat out at top speed to win.. in the preliminary races...placing is Ok. He is making sure he gets noticed, until the final race... The final is the key here. He conserve's his energy for the final stretch. A SMART man always has a strategy. If he happens to also be a nice guy then his qualities will shine brightly.

Nice guys do all of this and more!

BTW  when was  the last time a fine lady had to compete with other women for a nice guys attention? Would a nice lady have to compete for the attention of any guy? Most likely not!
Girls and even women compete for the bad-boys attention...who...will dismiss her when he is not interested or he will put her somewhere in the 1- 7 day rotation.
But a nice guy will put her on the top of his priority list 1-7 days weekly. The lady can reject this kind of nice guy if she wants, or try to put him on layaway. However she might just see him walking down the street with someone else, who stopped, and paid attention to him, for what she might have missed which is his kind gentlemanly nature therefore appreciate him for what you may have noticed. ..... way too late... or... flat out missed.
If a single available  woman does not pay attention to the good qualities  a good man possesses. Be assured, in this 10-1  women to men ratio, at least one of the other 9 ladies are scoping. You will see them  hand in hand  stroling, and wonder..... Why arent you "the one" with the knight in full shining Amor.
.

Trust your intelligence... if she brings a whole lot to the table.

Like a business merger you need to evaluate  what are her strengths...when you need backup and reinforcement.  If you know who she is... then expect her to do the following:

Speak her mind

A woman that cares for you will never be afraid to tell you when you are wrong and when you make a mistake. This does not mean she should bring you down or underestimate you, instead it is constructive criticism that can help you grow as a person and become better. She will also warn you if you are about to make a bad choice. This kind of woman will also be your therapist and counselor you can always trust and lean on. If she is true to herself, she will also be true to you.

She is a smart-strong woman

A woman does not have to be strong just physically, but also emotionally. Guys fall for women who are confident and have strong personalities. These women are independent and they are constantly working on their personal growth. A woman who is emotionally strong is always appreciated because she knows how to take care of herself. She can also be vulnerable at times, which is when you need to protect her and show her you care and you will always be there.

She has a fiery passion

Every relationship has its own ups and downs, but when there is passion both partners will work out every situation no matter how hard it is. Being with a passionate person will bring excitement every day in your life. If there is no spark between you, you can’t expect for your relationship to be strong and lasting. A passionate woman will show her nature in everything she does whether it is cooking or showing you how she feels.

She is your strength

Most people can’t tell why they have fallen in love with their partner. This is a great sign of true love because if you love someone enough you will never count reasons why you have fallen for them. True love means you don’t have a particular reason why you love the person you do. So, if you have realized that your partner is everything in your life don’t wait until you tell her that. Make sure she knows you want to spend your life with her and that you are very happy 

You can kickback and relax have drink and a cigar
knowing you have a solid relationship.

Identify why she is great and hold on to her for a greater life.

A few Signs you should do your best to keep her

If your lady has some of the following personality traits you should never let her go.

I know you are surprised
but we men know a good woman
when we see one!

1.She is always supportive regardless of the situation

Finding the right person is very difficult, however it is much more difficult to find someone who will be there for us during the hardest times. The ideal partner is someone who will never grow tired of you, someone who wants to know how your day went, someone who will offer you a shoulder to lean on, someone who laughs with you. If you want to live a happy and long life make sure your partner is someone who will stay with you. Nowadays people get bored very fast and once you start thinking they will be there for you, they are gone. However, having a partner who will show you that you will never be alone anymore and you can always count on her is the one that will help you overcome any difficulty in your life.

2.She is beautiful by your definition

Beauty is something that does not have one particular definition. Every person considers different things beautiful or awesome. And if your lady is the one you find the most beautiful then you need to show her how much you love her every day. You should never stop appreciating the person you love and you must show her you really care about her.

3.She is kind, caring and gives you lots of attention

Compassion and kindness are very important qualities in a partner that you must never ignore. There is very little kindness in the world, and having a kind person by your side can help you achieve even the impossible things. A kind person will inspire you to become a better person. If your partner pays attention to everything you say you should never let her go. This means she will consider all the things that concern you and she will make an effort to learn more about you even if you don’t like sharing too much info. She will want to know what your favorite ice cream is, how you prefer your coffee, tea or her ( wrapped in a towel). She will want to know what is making you sad and/or mad when you are not feeling up to dealing and she will try her best to make you feel better.

4.She is full of positive vibes

There is lots of negativity all around us which makes it hard for us to remain positive. But, if your lady is able to bring positivity in you no matter how hard your day is, you must not let her go. Having a person like that is  bliss. Living with a positive person will never make your life boring or monotonous. A woman that is energetic, lively and happy will make your life a bigger adventure. Positivity is a very important aspect of our lives and if your partner is the person who will guide you to the light at the end of the tunnel, hold on to her and don't  give her a reason to go.

If you let her walk out that door
 you will live to regret it everyday.

5.She loves you to the moon and back

This is the most important factor on this list because if there is no love you wouldn’t even consider someone a part of your life. You are also probably reading this because you have that special person. Never let go of a woman who loves you from the bottom of her heart. She will cherish your presence even if you are sitting in complete silence. Finding a person who will love you unconditionally is extremely rare. Make sure you show her how important she is to you in order to give her a reason to stay.

6.She believes in give and take

Compromise requires at least two people. So, if you want to settle for something you are not so comfortable with, your partner will probably return the favor when it is the other way around. A woman who cares for the relationship will be prepared to compromise, but don’t always expect that from her. One of the keys to a successful relationship is compromise from both partners.

7.She is at the home you want to come to

If you want to settle down, you probably have a person in mind that you believe will be your best life journey partner. When you find the right person you know you want to come to them every day. You will never waste time and you will want to spend as much as as possible.