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| The Holidays are right around the corner and my wish list only has one (1) item on it! |
It's the Holiday season and you don't have a man sharing your home...
Here are some very good reasons why a woman really DOES need a man for the Christmas holidays ! The list by Jane Gordon, who was on her own for the first time in 30 years, is irreverent, and poignant.
I read an article about 3 years ago where a lady named Jane once believed "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" But living on her own had changed her mind. By living alone she found plenty of reasons why life is better with a man in the house
Lonely every Christmas: Jane realised she did want/needed a man
Like millions of young women today there are times when she was convinced that there was nothing a man could do that she couldn't do better. She said.
She even had a framed cartoon of Irina Dunn's famous feminist phrase, 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle', hanging on her study wall.
She said: "I might still hold such sexist views if, for the first time in 30 years, I hadn't had to face the reality of living without a man."
But I was wrong. Six months after moving — alone — into an idyllic apt, I am slowly coming to realise that there are, in fact, plenty of things I need a man for. And no, not that.
So, with apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, let me count the ways that this woman needs a man.
Jane's list of her reasons for needing a man:
1) To zip — and unzip — tricky party dresses for the Holiday gatherings.
2) It is a cliche for women to say that all their husbands are good for is 'putting out the rubbish' - but they've got a point. The combination of wheelie bins and fortnightly collections means I need a man to push my monstrous bin down the path to the road.
3) I have yet to hang a picture in my home. I need a man who can work an electric drill and knows what a rawlplug is.
4) I desperately need a man to hog my remote control and stop me rotting my brain on reality drivel such as The Real Housewives Of New Jersey, Ladies Of London and Made In Chelsea.
5) I need a man to tell me what I want to hear when I ask him, 'do I look good in this?' Even when I know that the answer — 'gorgeous' — is a total lie.
6) I need a man to change the halogen lights in my bathroom where I have been showering by torchlight for four weeks.
7) You tell me how a 5ft 5in woman is meant to lug a 6ft Christmas tree home, stand the damn thing up and then put a star on top? I need a man for Christmas (but not necessarily for life).
8) It turns out I am the one who makes all the mess, loses the keys and the mobile phone charger. I need a man to blame.
9) I need a man to scratch that hard-to-reach itchy spot in the middle of my back, and maybe massage the shoulders after.
10) I need a man to watch horror films with me and say (in the way I used to resent): 'Why are you frightened? This rubbish is about as scary as Scooby Doo.'
11) For walking the dog — in the rain.
12) For picking up dog poo — in any weather.
13) I need a man to explain to me what goes in the green recycling wheelie, what can go in the grey general waste wheelie, and what to put in the small kerbside food- waste caddy.
14) It's always my turn to drive now. I need a man to share the allocated driving duties.
15) Likewise, it's always me who has to fill up the car with gas.
16) I need a man to force me to open those nasty brown envelopes and fill in my tax return.
17) I have spent the past few nights making bacon butties and brewing tea and coffee for my houseful of remodeling builders. I need a man to say: 'Try the cafe up the road', because I am too frightened to refuse them.
Helping hand needed: Changing a light bulb is easily done - if you are tall enough to reach, but if you are not... a strong back to hoist you into position... would be very nice.
The list does not end there.... so Ladies ask Santa to drop a 6'1" handsome handyman type down the chimney at your address this holiday season...so that you will not be like Jane for the holidays.
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