Friends Blurred Lines

We have graduated from friends to friends with outrageous  passionate benefits 

When exactly does the lines, between good friends and lovers become blurred? That is the line some of us find ourselves crossing inadvertently. We all know, like the song says “ There is a thin line between love and hate” But where exactly is the line between just friends and lovers? I have often wondered about it so I decided to ask a friend, like in the "Who wants to be a Millionaire" game show. I hope I’m not the only one that remembers that game show. When in doubt call a friend, maybe the one who became a lover after being your good friend for years who helped you hit the $1M. Say what you may, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has crossed that line that became blurry and found myself thinking what took us so long. We had chemistry so why did we wait. Well simply because the other side was the other line that went from lovers to haters. What in the World happened to make that other line (hate-line) even get crossed that was not even possible when you were just good friends.

Yes, good friends can start hating each other, but it seldom happens in a flash. We are friends unless we suddenly feel betrayed or the other person suddenly feels betrayed.  

Back to the blurred lines that shouldn’t even really be there, to begin with. Once you are not focussed on the “what if(s)” you remain calm and no lines get crossed. But once you become annoyed at the possibilities you are sure to say or do something that will cause “ill feeling”... now just think about your own experiences. When “stuff hits the fan” it is all over the place and very hard to clean up, even if the two people invest major time trying to clean stuff up. Someone will miss a spot. Which will cause the other person to frown and think; "did they miss it on purpose? so that I will have to clean that last spot up. " Well if you were the one that caused the stuff to “hit the fan” then you should be the last one to finalize the cleanup.

So does the blurring of the lines happen when your passion for each other suddenly become so intense that you can’t resist each other anymore? the “Friends without benefits” now has graduated to” friends with benefits to previous friends to now lovers” complexed situation.

Oops, that was never the intention. Or Was it? Only the nose knows what happens behind the eyes, the nose is always in the middle. "It's not that I can't admit my feelings for you, it's that I don't want to tell you!"

I used to think it was so much easier to just pursue a woman I wanted before becoming friends… But it’s usually CAOS (Computerized Association Of Stupid) waiting to happen, these days women are so much more accomplished that they are no longer wait for “Mr. Right “ to come and rescue them. These women have lives that men sometimes dream of having with them. Women travel to far away places in groups (Girls travel clubs) they have flings with men in far away countries exposing themselves to new cultures, and coming back home with smiles on their faces. This stuff was reserved for flight attendants.  OK, guys do it too but guys are instinctive hunters. We can check into a hotel in Siberia and find a warm body to cuddle up next to, within a short period of time, if we have "game!"

My thoughts

Women didn’t do that in the past. They had to get to know you, let you pursue them... then romance them and then they caught you when your guard was down now you are hooked. As a traveling business IT consultant I found it more of a challenge to not pursue women when I was on business trips. OK, I was also married at that point, and that Bow-wow in me had been tamed. But after many trips, I often wondered if my being on the road was causing my now ex-wife to wonder if I was still the guy she married. Maybe I no longer was, so when I stopped traveling as much as in the earlier days, she seems to kinda lose the spark we had for each other and life together became a fizzle. I wasn’t clear to me that we became lovers very soon after we met until I started writing this blog post, I met her in a town outside of Chicago (on one of my business trips that originated from N.Y. to Ill.) hmmm. Maybe that guy from N.Y was who she fell for, not the devoted husband and father she got tired of being married to.    She still travels now, as an Airline employee, without me. And our sons do also. I’m the only one with the last name “Daniel” who does not travel hardly anymore. Just in case you are wondering she never changed her last name back…. to her maiden name!