Who are you, and why do you seem to be a provocative individual?

My after work attire will grab me more attention than a school teacher's uniform!

The caption question was posed to me one day while I sat in the Library,

typing one of my weekly blog posts.

This lady, who is a school teacher, she works well with children who seem to have been

diagnosed with ADHD.

She is very patient. I have seen her interact with two children she tutors,  

a boy ( who can’t sit still for very long) and girl (who talks almost all the time.)

The teacher then asked me; “ how old are you?”

I paused because to me it seemed,

that I’m a man who is her senior by many years. I said: ‘I’m a lot older than I look,

are you asking for a reason?’ She smiled and was a bit embarrassed

because she knew then that she was flirting with someone who might be too old

for her. SMDH.  

One can decide to approach someone with intentions….  

but when the information is given on the questions asked, does not match what is in

the persons head it becomes a situation of mixed feelings, and more questions:

• If only he was younger/older.
• So will we have anything in common?
• Could I be comfortable with what he brings to the table?
• Is the fact that he looks like my type a good enough reason to approach him?
• How does he feel about a woman approaching him?
• I am a woman, with needs…. I want more.
• Could he facilitate what my heart desires?
• will he be willing to support my dreams?
• What is his blood type?
• Could we be compatible or would we be totally incompatible?

So when all these scenarios are going on in a younger woman's head we men need to have 
“the magic 4” for us to feel comfortable to make something happen.

Men need to hear the Four magic Words of Support

directly and indirectly: “It’s not your fault! if she is not sure about you."

To sum it all up. A woman in this era has so much more to offer,

so her questions are many, she can go round and round in circles trying to find Mr. Right.

Men used to be the ones doing to pursuing.

And women sat back and waited to be chosen.

Nowadays a woman has to be more aggressive if they want to get

who they want, or they might not even be considered.

The roles are now reverse… somewhat!

Men in elite positions can still have their choices (Jay Z comes to mind)
but, the choices men in elite positions made in the past were not permanent this is why he is still searching and available to be approached. 
Let’s look at a thing that has hit me in my years of being a divorced man.

I made a choice and got married young. My now ex-wife thought that it is what she wanted.

The security of having a husband. Her mother and stepdad approved of me.

Her brothers and sister’s, uncle and aunts all liked me.
Her mother even said:

“ he will give me good looking grandchildren. well guess what

” She was not wrong <smirking>.

But then again all of her grandchildren are good looking.

She has 7. They are all outstanding looking,

6 handsome boys and 1 beautiful princess.

So one could say her genes facilitated good looks.

I digressed here for a minute. So what do women want?

It was clear what my mother inlaws wanted.

But her daughter was influenced mostly by her mother’s wants for her daughter,

at the beginning of our marriage. I have no question that she loved me,

in the beginning, and maybe even still does.

But she is a woman in the transitional era.

Not being like her mother who was satisfied to have a husband and a family.

Women in this current era want so much more. They want to feel fulfilled with careers,

options to travel to far away places,

be totally independent, and yet have a dependable lover in their lives.

Children are at some point also desired.

While I understood these things I am still a bit puzzled why do things have to be

“either or neither.” As a single independent woman, you may have choices that

a married woman no longer has.

Married women may also have the ability to make choices that a single woman does

not have the same options. Do things always have to be so complicated?

Not Really!

Try not blaming him for the things that will not work out, or did not work out.

Ladies; try reassuring a man that things that went wrong are not his fault or that he is not being blamed for your past misfortune!

This only works as long as a woman truly is not blaming him, disapproving of him,

or criticizing him or his gender in general, for things done to her in the past.

this is how they do it in the library when they are talking about You!

Final thoughts
Falling for a good guy, hinges on women seeing the good in him.
If you see the bad in every guy you meet you will miss the good in him.
Sometimes the images you have in your head override the images that your eyes are seeing
Without a doubt, you will miss a golden opportunity for happiness, if you don't.