Is she Cautious or Paranoid?

I just hide in the library so that no one will bother me!

We all know that phrase “once bitten twice shy,” this is pretty much the standard in today's  World, where being taken advantage of is more the norm…. Then the opposite.

Women especially have been victimized by unscrupulous men. Who have little if any regard for how they leave a woman feeling after they have used them for their pleasure and  discarded them like “yesterdays trash.”

If you are the guy who steps to a woman after she has been taken advantage of, may  God be with you. It’s not fun to watch the fear in her eyes if you cause her to relive any if not all of her past negative experiences, especially the ones that traumatized her. Needless to say, women have in today’s World more negative experiences than their mother or grandmothers had. Social Media is a constant stream of information about people you know and some you don’t even care to know. Once a woman had experienced some of what they see going on they go from being cautious to being totally paranoid. She thinks to herself “I will never let that happen to me again.”

While some good men will pursue her she will run and hide, simply because she is thinking “he wants to use me, not love me.”  a serious case of “avoid and you will not have any regrets!” Protecting oneself is not a bad thing… but denying yourself a chance to have love and be happy….. will leave one totally lonely.

Now I know there are women who know what I’m talking about. And even men who have experienced, that prevent them from being adventurous in the “Love Circle”

Often enough we don’t understand why we are so defensive when there may not be any need to be.  

A quick story. I met a lovely woman and she seems receptive to my friendly approach, but a bit shy. At first, she was a little apprehensive about becoming too friendly... I sensed her reluctance, so I did not push. I didn’t feel she was ready for a new friendship.

Here is where the miscommunication happens between men and women. Men don’t always think the worse cases because the pretty face and figure “8” is looking too good not to pursue. Whereas a woman does not see all of her attributes as being special. She wears makeup and will not let anyone, she might be attracted to, see her without it. In my eyes, she didn’t need the makeup she was pretty enough without it. I made the mistake of letting her know that she didn’t need all of that stuff because she was beautiful without it. So when her guard was down I took a picture of her while she was doing some reading in the library and she freaked out. I was puzzled why she was so freaked… Then I understood she didn’t think she was beautiful because her ex-boyfriend belittles her about her looks. I had no chance with her after that. SMDH the damage was done by someone else, and I didn’t take the time to understand what she instantly felt when I took the pictures…. She thought: “OMG these pics will be on Social Media in an instant and I will not be able to say that wasn’t me”   comparing herself to being Plain VS Beautiful was all in her head.

Men can do serious damage to a woman’s mental state of mind.. By not taking the time to try and understand what it is that scarred her in her past. But how do you know upfront!

That was not the worst case that I had encountered. A woman who was cheated on repeatedly told me and quote: “I have Trust issues because I was cheated on repeatedly” her words. Every man she was with cheated on her repeatedly, once she gave herself to a man she would wait to see how long it would take before he cheated on her.  SMDH My response was: “STOP giving yourself to the same type of men.” Her response “all men are the same.” Now tell me how does a good guy breakdown those walls and make her understand that “Cheating is a choice, made by someone else, she did not cause it” her scars were so deep it would take some serious work to get past those walls she has built.

 Final thought

“Let not your heart and mind be troubled about things that are not within your control.”  You can find LOVE on a two-way street, and lose Love on a lonely highway. Highway traffic is busy and you are just one individual cruising at a speed that will get you ignored, instead of notice. If you are wearing “a red dress” and driving a convertible you might draw some attention, but if you are simply trying to hide then you might be seen as a victim with scars. Men will avoid chasing women they perceive as having problems that are too much work to overcome!  A highway is not the place to "meet and greet." by the way!